Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Probably the worst thing I've done (so far) ...


Chacha and I were monkeying around, playing a game where I'd close my eyes and she would pat my shoulder and say "Wake Up!" and I'd bounce upright and yell "Ta-DAH!" We were taking a breather when I decided to tell her about Thursday.

"We're going to a farm," I told her. "Do you know what's on a farm?"
"Anna and Elsa," she answered, a finger stuck in her cheek, her brain forever stuck in Arendelle.
"Nope," I said. "Probably not the cast of 'Frozen.' Guess again."

I'm not really sure what's on the farm we're visiting with her class from Baby School, but I took a few safe guesses that included cows, horses, pigs and agreed with her about the cat.

We did one more round of "Ta-DAH!" and she scooted off to put on her pajamas with zero complaint. There were a few stalls once we got to her room. She did her Norwegian diaper dance, for instance, but skipped her usual bucking and choke hold reenactment of "The Exorcism" during the diaper change.

"What a pleasant toddler," I almost thought.

I zipped her into her pajamas and she skipped off to the bedroom door -- and then came to the Doc Marten to the guts: She thought we were going to the farm tonight. I realized this about the time she realized that we weren't going to the farm tonight. And, Oof. Tough call on who felt worse.

If you'd looked in her bedroom window you would have had a doctor's eye view of a red-faced toddler's uvula and her desperately sad mother hunched in a pink chair.

I solved this, kind of, by showing her a video of Super Grover 2.0 and when it was over I asked if she was still mad at me.

"Sad," she said.
(Uh, sad?!)

I laid next to her bed and rubbed her back for a bit, but by then she had shifted to something complicated and teenage-y.

"Leave," she said, segueing into emotional manipulation.
Then I felt better.

Anyway, this is all just to say that I LEARNED SO MUCH TODAY.
Lesson 3,956: Let everything always be a surprise.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

A few things that came up in a loud conversation with a stranger in a quiet place ...

1. Whether I plan to have any more kids.
2. How her sister had a baby when she was in her mid-40s.
3. Did I set out to have just Chacha or had I always wanted more kids or did I even want kids at all.
4. Where our house is located.
5. But where on that street.
6. How close are we to [our next door neighbor.]
7. Look at her foot.
8. It's probably a spider bite.
9. She's going in.
10. It's not a tick, ticks leave behind body parts.
11. She shouldn't have worn sandals in the yard.
12. She just had surgery on her rectum.
13. Do I know what it's like to poop out of something that's like this. (Indicates small exit using her fingers.)
14. If she scoots forward like this on the toilet, she can go.
15. Whether Chacha has eaten dinner yet.
16. Do I rummage sale.
17. Why don't I rummage sale.
18. She's gotten great stuff at rummage sales.
19. I should rummage sale.