Saturday, February 15, 2014

Vacation: Day 1. Manscaping ...


"Let's go to lunch at Burrito Union," I say. "But let's be casual about it. Let's not, like, bust a nut to get there because we're on vacation."

"I'm not sure you understand what 'bust a nut' means," Chuck says. 

"Doesn't it just mean to go fast?" I ask. 

"No," he says. 

***

I cut my finger slicing a bagel.
"What a cliche," I whisper. 

***

I fill two bags with clothes for Goodwill which means we have two fewer bags of stuff in our lives. 

***

Bad news. I realize on my way to the eatery that I have to pee. This place has the worst bathrooms of any civilized space. Two unisex stalls, not a lick of potpourri. And other gross things that Chuck sums up with a single Tweet:

"Judging by the floor, this restroom is where middle-aged buffalo go to manscape."

***

"I've got one her age," a woman says. "A real chubb-o, too. I like a chubby baby. I'm glad she's bald. And look! She's only wearing one sock!"

***

Watching "Contagion" with a life partner who, coincidentally, has a cold. It's like watching the movie in 3D. So real!

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