Chuck: Are you asking me, or do you already know?
Me: I know.
Chuck: Six months.
Me: (Slow nod) Interesting. No. See, when I was making that quinoa thing and I had to mix Dijon with water. I'd written on the one in the fridge that it was opened in January. I didn't know if I should use it and I knew we had an unopened Dijon in the cupboard. But that expired in 2012!
Chuck: Was it expired or was that the Best By date?
Me: Doesn't matter. It's still a year ago. ... Anyway, so I look online and ---
Me: I just realized this isn't a story. You know what? Never mind.
Chuck: So ... how long does it last?
Me: Who cares.
Chuck: Just tell me!
Me: A year. (Shrug).
Me: Chinese mustard lasts two years.