Saturday, June 15, 2013

Seven things ...

1. I'm wide awake and Chuck is, whatever is the opposite, maybe closed asleep. His head thrown back, mouth open, eye mask still in place. It's the worst. I'm ready to start having fun and he's still knee deep in REM. Pure cruelness.


2. We determine the whereabouts of one of the food trucks and get there just in time to snag the last panini with pesto from a vegetarian who must instead eat the veggie burger. Chuck and I share an order of deep fried strawberries, which taste like strawberry pie.

3. The Park Point Rummage Sale is miles of house-after-house-after-house of sales. Lots of "Saturday Night Fever" albums and bartering. "Sure. I'll take $20 cash and a $20 check, as long as it has your phone number on it." That kind of thing. I buy a 50 cent ring, a $2 pair of earrings, a $1 book that was on my Amazon Wish List (and smells faintly of cigarettes) and Chuck buys 1970s home repair books covering topics like plumbing, sauna building and floor boards. After 3 hours of this, I wonder if the PBG is in a desperate fight with gravity, her little hands on my pubic bone to keep from falling through void.

4. An enthusiastic teen sells us double scoop ice cream cones, expertly suggesting flavor combinations. I have chocolate, peanut butter and pretzel and a tiny sample of salted caramel.


5. Ever since my mom mentioned a meal she used to make, Tuna Twist, I've been Tuna Twist curious. I've been really into vintage foods lately, which is why I tend to slather bare noodles in butter and then go apeshit on Parmesan Cheese. She sends the recipe, I substitute Cream of Mushroom Soup for Cream of Celery Soup and we eat the heck out of it.

6. We keep things old school and watch the movie "The Paper Chase," which is good aside from having the most loathsome protagonist. Sometimes I want to take the male romantic lead of movies from the 70s, shake him until his curly wig-like hair whirls like a mop, and say: "You're insufferable. Stop torturing your girlfriend with your dumb words."

7. Then, after searching through every movie available various streaming services, we watch "On Golden Pond." The only thing I remember from this movie -- which I seemingly saw 400 times when I was a kid -- is the 12-year-old kid telling Henry Fonda that he likes to "cruise chicks" and "suck face." The entire movie is slow with barely a ripple of a plot and Jane Fonda plays a woman who desperately needs to get over some sort of perceived bad relationship with her father. Meanwhile, the viewer is constantly made aware of how everyone dies. It's equal parts boring, frustrating and depressing. But Jane Fonda really has beautiful eyes.

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