Friday, June 14, 2013

It's Friday and I'm Pregnant: Week 35 ...

I no longer recognize my own breasts. Couldn't pick them out of a pile of breasts. These aren't just bigger versions of the breasts I've always known. There have been actual structural changes to my breasts that have rendered them unrecognizable. Strangers. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it except this: My breasts now look like they would want to talk to you in the locker room at the YMCA. They would wear sensible sandals, grow lavender, take inspiration from Lake Superior.

Consider just this: I'm referring to them as breasts instead of one of the dozens of more colorful words I prefer.


I took a breastfeeding class this week. The teacher described the entire milk factory as looking like broccoli, the florets as Stage 1 of milk production, the stalks as the route to the spigots. A teenaged preggo, who looked a little stoned, went apeshit on some Tootsie Rolls and then left early. A woman in her 30s asked how long she can pump and if milk production slows during menopause. The teacher spoke with an urgency that suggested if, under duress, a new mother caves and takes the easy route -- formula, "just this once" -- SHE WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

Meanwhile, a boot camp for new fathers was going on next door. A graduate brought his baby to class to show the newbies and said baby wailed for about 45 minutes straight. We all pretended like we couldn't hear it. The alternative was just too painful.


I've now jumped to weekly appointments. Ma and Pa Pista were in town to help with home repairs that fall outside of our skill sets, so I brought the former along to the doctor's office to see what kind of emotional bloodletting I could induce.

It was too easy. She was already swallowing glue when I said to the nurse practitioner: "Grandma hasn't heard her heartbeat yet. Is that okay if she sticks around just for that part?"


I've become a woman who sweats. And this woman who sweats has all sorts of interesting new places for pools of sweat to collect.


I've recently become cloth diaper curious after reading about a local all-natural cloth diaper company that opened less than a mile from our house. I sent Chuck a link to some info about the company and he responded:

True story. Just three hours earlier I'd complained that I did laundry, but forgot to wash underwear. 

Ma Pista and I stopped by the store later in the week and I coached her before we went inside. "I'm just browsing," I said. "I'd like to get her a little sun hat and just see what else they have. DO NOT LET ANYONE TALK ME INTO CLOTH DIAPERS."

"No way," Ma Pista responded. "What a mess. You don't want to make things harder for yourself." 
"Seriously," I said. "I'm too cloth diaper curious." 
"I won't," she promised. 

It took my mom two minutes in the store before she asked the owner about the cloth diaper system and got a little tutorial. We left a half hour later with a sun hat, belly balm and a tiny T-shirt. 

Ma Pista: "Those diapers are really cute. And with those biodegradable sheets! She said she saved $7,000 on diapers. It's not like the old days with the smelly cloth diapers, that wet bag system is really neat." 
Me: "..." 
Ma Pista: "I mean, you could still have a few disposable diapers around the house." 
Me: "Do you remember when I told you not to let her talk me into cloth diapers." 
Ma Pista: "But it's so much better than it was when I had babies." 
Me: "You had one job." 


Chuck has been through a symphony of my day-to-day grunts, groans and yelps. When I had a leg cramp in the middle of the night, he practically had the car pointed toward the hospital before the muscle stopped seizing. Yesterday I had the worst sleep I've had since purchasing The Seahorse, which seemed to have him a bit on edge when I peed twice in 23 minutes. 

"Are you okay?" he asked around 4:30 a.m. 
"Just uncomfortable," I said after groaning my way into sleeping position. 

Today he had a solution to all of this. A way of knowing which yelp means go-time. 
"We need a safe word," he said. 


Guacaholic said...

Cloth diapering is great. Honestly. Once you're out of the newborn stage, it's easy. How cute is it to see a cloth diapered baby scooting around in nothing but a diaper? But yeah, you do have to stay on top of laundry (unless you have a big stash, which is a lot of money up front). I do both - traveling with cloth sucks and M gets super fun rashes when she's cutting teeth and none of the cloth-safe creams work on her. Anyway, yes, you save money. But it isn't as clear cut as the cloth diaper zealots lead you to believe.

Also, considering your house's plumbing issues, do NOT get the biodegradable sheets (and don't flush your baby wipes). If you choose to CD, message me and I'll get you a list of what you need.

I'm glad you have perspective on the breastfeeding class. I didn't and I was all kinds of crazy postpartum when I had to supplement for a bit.

tamg said...

Formula is not the devil. Formula can be a godsend. That is all.

Christa said...

Yes, T, I know. I guess what I've learned in my two classes is:
a. I would like an epidural, but if I don't get there in time or whatever, I'm not going to sweat it;
b. I'd like to breastfeed, but if that isn't possible or requires supplementing or going full on formula, I'm not going to sweat it.

@Guac: I'm not really a person who stays on top of things and that concerns me with the cloth diapers. Frankly, I'm kind of an unorganized mess moving lazily through life with a half-assed triage system.

Guacaholic said...

Yeah, I'd probably skip the cloth. The planet won't weep if you use Pampers. If you want to be all hip and green, I hear good things about Honest Company diapers, plus they auto ship those suckers. One less thing to think about.

Sproactually said...

Okay, my 2 cents worth.

1)Unless Chuck is dead, I'm pretty sure he likes your new national parks, aka your breasts. I call them national parks, cause that is what they are now, sure, you can drive by and look, as long as stay on the path, but can't touch. It is the universe now getting even with us men.

2)If no one has told you, you need a couple of packs of plain cloth diapers anyway. You will use these on your shoulder when you burp the child. These will help with the spillage. Keep some clean and handy.

3)Babies leak, alot. Again, keep the cloth diapers close by. And baby wipes. TO THIS day, some 20 years after the leaks stopped on my youngest, I use wipes camping, eating out side, to clean my bike or touch up after working on something.

4)Formula or au-natural. It's none of my damm business, or any ones else's for that matter. You will be tired, stressed, and freaking out in general so as long as she is eating and gaining weight, then your okay. I will tell you in all honesty of the few things i remember when my kids were that small, was giving them a bottle at 3 or 4AM, sitting with them and watching old star trek reruns. That was our time.

If you go with cloth, you will still need some disposables. They make going places much easier. When they are itty bitty babies, you use a alot of diapers, but as they get bigger, you get more hours out of each one. :-) Personally, i don't think one is any worse then the other. All the soap and bleach is not good either. If it really bugs you, skip the bottled water for 2 years, drink tap water from a glass or reusable water bottle and call it even.

Take it one day at time, enjoy the time when they are small, i bet you have heard that every one says it goes fast. It will seem like the days never end, but all of a sudden they won't be so small anymore.

You'll do fine... I am so happy for you guys.