Sunday, April 7, 2013

It's Sunday and I'm Boring: Cat Edition ...

Right before bed we stumble on "Cats from Hell," an Animal Planet series about felines behaving badly and this sort of cat whisperer who teaches owners how to keep the pets from gnawing light dimmers and taking swipes of flesh samples out of arms. We, and when I say we I mean the four of us, watch rapt. This channel seems to cater to animals and ours can't stop watching. Not even during the commercials.

While Hal and Orin are evil geniuses intent on dismantling our home, their hijinks seem amateurish compared to the cats on this show. When, for instance, a pet consistently tries to burn down a couple's apartment ... well, that pales to the phone call I would make.

"Hi, Cat Whisper. This is Christa. Yeah, we have two cats that just go crazy like twice a day. Well, they just run really fast and chase each other and climb on every surface and yowl and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, it's not dangerous, per se, but it's super annoying. Sometimes it happens right when we wake up, and ... well, we aren't really morning people so that's the WORST, you know?

"Well, they did spill water on Chuck's Mac Book and now that's kaput. And they ripped up the leather arms of our couch. Yeah. The couch. And Hal, well, he is always scratching at the woodwork. And sometimes Orin won't be quiet when we're trying to sleep. ... What's that? No. No. Oh, no. They've never tried to kill us with a freshly sharpened talon. No, they don't gnaw on dangerous wires. Oh. Ok. Thanks anyway. Bye."

***

I wake to pee three times: Around 6:50 a.m. I find Orin and Hal hugging in a single ball on the bath mat cozied into a corner by the tub. I coo, tiredly, and go back to bed.

I wake again around 9 a.m. and they're still in there in the same position, watching me tinkle and loving each other up.

At 11 a.m., same old story with these cats. This is too adorable to be true.

***

We've made a deal that I'll hand wash the best egg-making pan -- still dirty from last night's dinner -- and Chuck will make his World Famous Scrambled Eggs. Except: When we get downstairs, we find that the cats have shattered a glass candle holder during the night. There are tiny shards everywhere. Probably stuck in the wall. Those slivers and chunks that aren't on the floor are embedded in Chuck's foot and, I'll learn later, my primary shoes.

This requires putting the eggs on hold for some serious sweep-age. I worried last night that Orin was getting Big Ideas from the bad cats. Maybe I was right. At least we're building a thick behavioral file for the Cat Whisperer.

"Yes, sir. All over the floor. Shards. Just shards."

***

So anyway, the eggs turned out pretty great. I think it's the garlic.

***

The "It's (Insert Day of Week) and I'm Boring" is a series that Jodi and I do to pay homage to the beauty of old-school blogging.


2 comments:

Sproactually said...

Try one of these cardboard scratchers, available at Target no less... This was the only thing, other than my couch, my cat will use.

http://www.target.com/p/smartykat-super-scratcher/-/A-11053783#prodSlot=medium_1_5&term=smartykat

Christa said...

We actually have one that has totally redirected their scratching attention. Unfortunately, it's too late for the couch.

We have the SmartCat Ultimate Scratching Post.