Thursday, September 13, 2012

Blah Blah Beverage Week: Alo ...


It tastes good. But, man, the chunks. I'm cool with pulp, even like a burlap blanket-worth of pulp. I think it's just circle chunks that skeeve me. I imagine I'm drinking Clean & Clear Morning Burst, an orange tinted face scrub with gelatinous bubbles that make your face extra awake for the day, in theory. 

My worst experience with drink orbs happened in Los Angeles, during arguably the most awful dining experience I've ever participated in. Dim sum, Chinatown, 2011. I don't remember the exact circumstances, but so many factors were working against us: a) we were groggy; b) we were eating lunch, which we never do; c) none of us could decide where to sit so there was all this shuffling and confusion; d) the food carts started coming around before we had even exhaled and everything was loud and in the feverish pace we just kept saying yes-yes-yes to everything until we were settled in to the right seats and calibrated to the decibels and admitted to ourselves that we were eating lunch with our mouths, a mid-day meal without eggs when it's sunny outside.   

One of those yeses was to a drink with extra-large balls of tapioca bouncing around like a living, breathing lava lamp. They were so big, they required a straw that seemed like it should have Super Absorbency stamped on the side. The first tug surprised me, this sort of pinball attack on my uvula. I knew what to expect with the second tug so I could approach this unsettling sensation. Still, hm. Sometimes it's hard for me to tell if I hate or love something, so I gave it another try and oof. 

I learned a lesson that day: I don't like tapioca drinks. 

The verdict: This stuff tastes good, as long as you don't accidentally use your teeth as a sieve or bite down when the debris comes charging through. For best results, open your mouth just enough to let the nuggets pass without touching anything and hurry them directly down your throat using the least amount of effort. Keep your tongue as little involved as possible. 


Anonymous said...

Bubble Tea

nanners said...

what is wrong with you? How can you not like bubble tea?