I kind of leaned the back of my legs against the toilet in a sort of semi perch and thought "If I'm going to catch toilet disease, this is the part of my body that seems the best place for it." Easily reachable, I'd be able to knead in the ointment without assistance. I'd still be able to sit comfortably even if it itched. It would be nowhere near my genitals, which is of utmost importance.
I'd just started to go when the door whipped open. I can imagine exactly what I looked like to this person, my face lit up in the blue glow of Facebook. This primate stance. I growled, easier than a scream with the phone in my mouth like this, my eyes wide. She cackled. I mean truly cackled and backed away. Threw in a whoop or two. There were other people around waiting in less of a line and more of a cluster.
Awful. Just awful.