Sunday, June 17, 2012

The big reveal ...

I'd had a few beers, the third one was the tipping point on my bladder. The Porta-Potty was dark, which is sometimes for the best. I cranked the lever lock (I thought). I turned on my cell phone so I could see at least a little and stuck it in my mouth balanced between my teeth.

I kind of leaned the back of my legs against the toilet in a sort of semi perch and thought "If I'm going to catch toilet disease, this is the part of my body that seems the best place for it." Easily reachable, I'd be able to knead in the ointment without assistance. I'd still be able to sit comfortably even if it itched. It would be nowhere near my genitals, which is of utmost importance.

I'd just started to go when the door whipped open. I can imagine exactly what I looked like to this person, my face lit up in the blue glow of Facebook. This primate stance. I growled, easier than a scream with the phone in my mouth like this, my eyes wide. She cackled. I mean truly cackled and backed away. Threw in a whoop or two. There were other people around waiting in less of a line and more of a cluster.

Awful. Just awful.

4 comments:

debby said...

Oh yes, this happened to me at two seperate music festivals. Nothing says "I'm awesome" more than a public viewing of my cavewoman stance over a pile of other people's poo.

Christa said...

I wonder if we can get a group rate on learning how to lock the door of a Porta-Potty?

amy a. said...

it happened to me on an airplane.

Mach1 said...

Uncouth. You should have charged her for the view. That's not the kind of thing you should have been expected to give away for free.