Friday, December 9, 2011

Brains ...

I've had a raging headache for four days. It's just below my right ear, includes my jaw bone and is bad enough to recreationally Google "brain eating itself" in case there are cures I can mix up using the contents of our spice shelf and the tears of a grown woman.

"Well, maybe I'm just a person who gets migraines now," I tell Chuck. It happens. I've always assumed that since I'm a person who gets urinary tract infections that that would be my thing. But I suppose there is no rule that I can't be both. He's a little more level-headed than me, especially since he isn't busy constantly wiping his ear to see if grey matter is leaking from it.

He suggests that this isn't necessarily a lifetime of migraines. It might be:

1. The shifting of my teeth, since I'm down a man. I've recently learned the identity of the tooth lying in our medicine cabinet. It's called "Tooth 30." I know this because my dad just had his pulled and my mom's is chipped. What the genetic is going on with our mouths!?
2. A side effect of the lingering cold I have.
3. Some sort of infection in a nearby ear-nose-throat cavity.

Other non-clinical opinions include that I might be "so dramatic" (JCrew) and that it is a side effect of my birth control pills, according to CHRISSIE!(1) a strong proponent of the rhythm method.

So I've been pushing the boundaries on what is considered an acceptable amount of Advil to ingest in a single day.

FOOTNOTES
(1) In the history of this blog, I've never kowtowed to reader in this way. But the friend formerly known as "Radzo" asked me a long time ago to change her blog name. She requested Rad-Attack-Ack-Ack, which has been clunky as hell to type, but I did it. Then she decided she hated that, too. To which I say, "Blerg." After all that typing, I'm giving her one last blog nickname. She can like it, or she can go find another blog author with tens of readers to be friends with. And maybe that blog author will give her a name that is really, really special. So, Radzo, Rad-Attack-Ack-Ack, whoever the hell you are, you are now CHRISSIE! All caps, exclamation point.

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