Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Check yourself (before you wreck yourself) ...

REALITY
On my way to the self check-out at the grocery store, this older woman on a cell phone cruises past me. She's talking to her daughter, expressing hurt feelings over a slighting. As I begin running cans of beans through the check out, she settles into the adjacent manned lane behind another customer.

She's facing me. Looking almost right at me. I can practically feel her arthritic claw poking my chest. She says into the phone:

"Oh, no. I NEVER use the self check out. NEVER. It costs people jobs. Using the self check-out. I NEVER use it. Nope. A lot of my friends won't. It costs people jobs. I NEVER. Use. The. Self. Check. Out."

I keep my eyes on her, lest I miss the opportunity to give her the finger.

FAN FICTION
I slow down what is typically a pretty efficient system, this self check-out. Match my bagging to her bagging, then jump out just in front of her at the exit. Pull my cell phone out of my back pocket and have a fake conversation:

"Oh, no. I never talk on my phone in line at the grocery store. Never! It's obnoxious! Talking on my cell phone in line at the grocery store. I NEVER do it. Nope. A lot of my friends won't. It's obnoxious. I NEVER. Talk. On. My. Phone. In. Line. At. The. Grocery. Store."

Headlock ensues.
Fade to black.

1 comment:

Mach1 said...

I fully support you on this one, and not just because I idolize you. People who talk on cell phones while being waited on by clerks and cashiers are rude.