Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Vacation Day 1: Shit stained and loving it ...

BROOKLYN -- Chas and I were doing our cursory one-over of the neighborhood tonight after dinner when I felt a warm liquid ooze down my arm. Gelatinous green bird shit. I screamed first. Then berated myself for walking too close to buildings, where any old well-fed air rat might pop a squat and make it rain. Shake it's feathery fanny and proceed onto the next discarded half-eaten burrito. All in a day, all in a day.

Then I collected myself and had Chuck take a photo of it.

After chronicling it, I tried to wipe my arm in about a 6-square inch splotch of urban weed grass along the boulevard. A man across the street, who magically had a hose on him, asked if I wanted him to wash my arm.


I skittered through traffic and he hosed me down. Later, while browsing in a bookstore, I saw a round hardened ballish clump of crap that he had missed. I flicked it off my arm outside of the store and aside from a questionable stain on the shoulder of my dress, I now seem void of bird butt debris.

I think we should all be very grateful that it was me who was shat upon and not Chuck.

"That's how I know I'm lucky," I said to him. "I mean, who gets shit on and then has a guy just appear with a hose?"
"I don't know," Chuck said. "I think I'm luckier because I didn't get shit on."

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