Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Ta-don't ...

If I had made the following weekend to-do list on Friday night, I'd be feeling pretty self-satisfied about now:

1. Go hiking with Rad-Attack-Ack-Ack.
2. Start near the Lake Superior Zoo, but find the wide path and lack of vista boring. Suspect this is actually a bus route. Head back to the car for a do-over.
3. But first come face to snarling face with a wild snake, side-winding in the dirt. Thwart its cunning attack with a series of high-pitched squeals and moves like those featured in the iconic scene from "Flashdance."
4. Find a new trail near Spirit Mountain.
5. Climb about 90 wooden stairs gouged into the hillside that bank at a 75 degree angle. Feel like "Rocky," but look like a Rocky's red-faced great-great grandmother, hunched like a C and weeping.

6. Complete 2/3s of the family laundry and closet-organization while watching back-to-back episodes of a new television show about a 16-year-old girl who is part cat, part crime fighter.
7. Have suspension of disbelief un-suspended when Chuck gets home early from work and I must explain the plot out loud to him.

8. Head downtown to the traveling carnival that has cropped up at Bayfront Festival Park.
9. Ride the Ferris Wheel.
10. Ride the Power Tower, an amusement that slowly drags ticket holders about 3 stories into the air, then does a free fall drop. As the ride is lurching upward, realize that none of the carnies came around to make sure seatbelts were fastened, let alone fastened correctly. Mention this to Chuck. Then ... drop.
11. Swear. Suggest that wasn't fun at all. Decide this is a good reason to avoid the Zipper.
12. Ride the Tilt-A-Whirl.
13. Ride something else that spins while playing Top 40 music.
14. Eat a Pizza Lupa-flavored pizza from Pizza Luce and think about how, while vegetables and fake cheese and lentils are delicious, a real pizza with a side of sour cream is pretty g'damn awesome.
15. Shop at Electric Fetus.
16. Reconvene, sunburned and spent, in the basement and read while listening to the new album from a local artist who favors a homemade theremin.
17. Fall into the best summer nap in the history of summer naps.

18. Splash water on face and head up to a Fourth of July party at the home of some new friends.
19. Miss the part where people are chucking firecrackers at each other. But catch the main event, a series of 'works called Make it Rain.
20. Crack a Four Loco, but find out later that it is a new blend that doesn't include caffeine.
21. Feel like a pussy.
22. Join in a leg wrestling tournament and lose to Rad-Attack-Ack-Ack with aplomb, but test an old gymnastics move that still works and somersault out of the defeat.
23. Curse athletes.
24. Line up a second and third for a volunteer Human Centipede situation of which I will be the front body. Convince lactose intolerant tail that I will make sure he is fully nourished.
25. Discuss favorite dinosaurs.

26. Eat awesome Huevos Rancheros at the Duluth Grill.
26. Ride with Chuck on the Timber Twister, a roller coaster at Spirit Mountain, a six-minute ride down and up the hill that travels at 30-some miles per hour.
27. Listen to Chuck squeal with pleasure.
28. Ride it again.
29. Go to Enger Tower to sit on a rock and read a book.
30. Decide that sitting on a rock in a park filled with picnic parties and attack-ants ransacking my leg hair is way less comfortable than sitting on a lawn chair in our own backyard.
31. Read in the backyard.
32. Make a dinner featuring a lot of corn.
33. Wander around the neighborhood minefield while staring at the sky and trying to not catch on fire.

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