It's been a long time in the making. Every time I encounter someone with freakishly long and lean arms and ask their secret, they say "Yoga." I should just know by now, but I keep kind of expecting someone to tell me that for two months, every night before bed, they bandied their triceps! Or that there is this fantastic balloon animal specialist from Pike Lake who twisted them into being.
Case in point: My friend Hinz.
My God. If she doesn't watch herself, she's going to accidentally trip her neighbor's doorbell with that internet yoga wing span.
There were at least three women there who were pretty accurate representations of what I'll look like when I'm in my crakey twig fingered Geritol drip years. The chin-length grey bob, the yoga pants lopped at the ankles. One had brought her own mat, personalized with a homemade fringed blanket on the underside. Probably woven by a former lover.
"You know, Duluth's older arty sect," I said to Chuck later.
"Just got back from a poetry reading types?" he asked.
I'm glad we agree on the direction I'm headed.
It was okay, I guess. I'm not very flexible, but I have stellar balance. While I struggled with downward dog, I can make like a tree all night. Even a tree in the wind. It's all about maintaining a focal point, which in my case was eyeball-to-eyeball with a drape in the corner featuring a Vishnu likeness.
We did sun salutations and warrior poses and when it was all over we laid on the floor and the class leader named off the parts of the body like she was doing a roll call:
"Temples. Cheeks. Jaw. Mouth. Throat."
After each one, we were supposed in inhale softness and exhale tension. I kept inhaling: "I wish I was on" exhaling: "An elliptical machine." I think I'm more into aggressively attacking my body than slowly Pla-Doh Fun Factory-ing it toward wellness with deep breaths. Pilates might be more my thing.
I gave Chuck the highlight reel when I got home, after which he predicted: "Whenever you hate something this much, it just means that you're going to love it a year from now."
Regardless, the last time I did stretching exercises like this I woke up thinking I had kidney disease.