Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Greetings from West of the Duluth Grill ...

The following is a holiday letter to the internet, co-authored by Chuck and me. I am re-purposing it from its original place on Facebook. 

Dear people we know and friends:

As 2010 comes to a close, we can't help but reflect on the gigantic loans that have us tied up into our AARP years, the dead pets, and the crippling ailments that surfaced over the past year.

At the end of January, we moved into Lorenzo Music's wife's childhood home. You may know Henrietta Music as the co-composer of the theme to “The Bob Newhart Show.” We're hoping it is full of creative gypsy juice. It was the first house we looked at, and certainly the least haunted. It is in West Duluth, just blocks from where Chuck spent his weird childhood. Favorite features include: A huge kitchen, a claw-foot tub, the gentleman-of-leisure rumpus room, and two bedrooms we haven't even gone into yet. It is riddled with mice, which is unfortunate because at the end of September our cat went mental, then died.

Toonses (December 1999-September 2010) was an okay roommate and the perfect combination of misanthrope and Marmeduke. We don't really want to talk about it. Something happened to his brain, he could only turn right, he peed on the kitchen floor, we had him put to sleep, and we're never getting another pet ever again. That's all.

Speaking of broken bodies. Chuck got a brand-new disease! It's called Rheumatoid Arthritis, which is not just for old people anymore. In a nutshell, his immune system now thinks that his joints are made of SARS virus and monkey hearts, and does everything in its power to destroy them. In the past, this would have him employed as a church-bell ringer in no time, but luckily we live in the future, which has awesome drugs. The treatment is going very well. You wouldn't even know that he's handi-capable now.

Christa spent 19 days total in Los Angeles, between a fellowship through the National Endowment for the Arts in May, and a vacation in August. This is about 17 more days than she has spent in her hometown of Rochester in the past eight years, which she considers a success. Next to the V-shaped couch in the living room during a “Criminal Minds” marathon, this is her favorite place on the planet. Every street looks and smells like the county fair happened last night. This is why she thinks it is okay to wear jeggings and face-dwarfing sunglasses.

In the upcoming year, we are looking forward to pill cases, rat poison, body horror films, and the next terrible fashion trend.

Happy holidays, and keep barking big dogs,

Christa & Chuck


Tawny said...

Love it.

I also have a cat and have already decided when Banditface LaQuay goes on her merry way - I will never ever ever ever get another pet.

Another weird fact - My motherinlaw used to work for NEA - Now she works for the Humanities side in DC.

Bark Bark.

: )

Amy said...

i love you guys so much.
miss you!