Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Conversations with my former landlord: Pain Relief Edition

Me: Do you have the sort of thing that a person might take to relieve a headache?
Former Landlord: (Rustling through his mass accumulation of ... things) I think so. ...

[Hands me a small, tubular packet of a powder substance. Like a single serving of Crystal Lite. Or a small Pixie Stick]

Me: Where the hell did you get this? The trunk of a stagecoach?
Former Landlord: You just pop it open, and dump it in your mouth.
Me: Is this experimental?
Former Landlord: [Mimes his previous instructions in a way that looks like he is doing an imaginary shot]
Me: I can't take this candy medicine. Do you have anything else?
Former Landlord: [More rustling. Hands me a brand of "safety coated enteric aspirin"] Here.
Me: What is this? I've never heard of this.
Former Landlord: It's new.
Me: [Reading label]: It says it expired in September, 2010.
Former Landlord: Psh. Like it went bad. [Shakes head] It's sealed!
Me: [Still reading label]: It says that adults should take 4-8 pills every 4 hours?
Former Landlord: Huh. That many?
Me: Yeah. It says 'Do not exceed 48 pills in a day.'
Former Landlord: Wow. 48 pills. That's a lot.
Me: I'm going to take 7.
Landlord: 7?!
Former Landlord: [Looks in bottle] Oh. These are small. You can take eight of these.

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