Friday, December 3, 2010

Conversations with my former landlord, Vol. 98 ...

Former Landlord: Hey. I finally finished that bag of chips.
Me: Thank God.


Former Landlord: Hey. What's your email address?
Me: Why?
Former Landlord [Shows me a photograph of a plate of shrimp]: I'm trying to get these coupons. These are some good deals.
Me: Use your own email address.
Former Landlord: I only have a work email address, and I can't use that.
Me: Get an email address.
Former Landlord: Psh. I can't. I've done that before. Then I forget to check it, and it closes down.
Me: Just get an email address.
Former Landlord: No.
Me: They're free. And they'll give them to anyone in the world.
Former Landlord: Just give me your email address.
Me: No.
Former Landlord: It's probably[snorts]
Me: [Blank and super incredulous stare] You're an idiot.

[Brief reprieve from dialogue].

Former Landlord: Hey. Did you ever get those rebates I had sent to your house?
Me [Recalling some vague plan he had to send for rebates on booze, but needed a different mailing address for each of them]: No.
Former Landlord: You didn't? You didn't get those rebates I had sent to your house?
Me: No.
Former Landlord: Huh. Well what the heck. You should have gotten those rebates by now.
Me: Who knows. I might have thought it was junk mail.
Former Landlord: What?!
Me: [Shrug]
Former Landlord: You owe me 40 dollars!

Former Landlord: Hey, I need to use your credit card.
Me: Absolutely not.
Former Landlord: It's just 25 bucks. I'll give you the money right now.
Me: No.
Former Landlord: The security code rubbed off on mine. I think it might be 603.
Me: No.
Former Landlord: I need your credit card.
Me: Absolutely not.
Former Landlord: Look. You can't even see the security code.
Me: Call your bank.

[Brief reprieve from dialogue].

Overheard as he talks on the phone: That's L-A-N-D-L-O-R-D. Yeah, my security code is rubbed off on my card? ... No. No. I need it right now, though. Oh. You can't do that? Hm. Okay.

[He's back].

Former Landlord: Give me your credit card.
Me: No.
Former Landlord: Well, cripes. That was a good deal, too.


Kate Bee said...

Girl, you know I love the [Landlord's name] posts. The concept of booze rebates just screams his name.

Mach1 said...

"I'm off to buy some lawnmowers."