Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Two things that would make me happy ...

Edit: In order to avoid further confusion, the person in line in front of me was a stranger. I realized after receiving a "Give me the initials of who you are talking about" IM that just because I know what I'm talking about doesn't mean I'm making myself clear. And confidential to he of the IM: I think we're good enough friends that if I was talking about someone I knew, I would actually give you their name. Not to mention that I wouldn't be snarky about someone I know on the internet. I'd save that for slurry face to face gossip. I like to keep it classy.

1. When that plucky coworker in the too-tight pant suit and Popsicle colored lipstick offers to "Make a Subway run" it would be helpful if you preempted your order with: "Cheddar. Um ... not toasted." (Or whatever the case may be). Because I'm going to end up standing behind her in line, my own individual personal order memorized like the lyrics to a one-hit wonder from 1982, and she's going to end up calling you. On the phone. To ask what kind of cheese you want. Then she's going to call you back to find out if you want it toasted. It would not be beyond her to have already called once so you could remind her you want it on Italian Herb and Cheese.

I think there should be a mandatory default. Like, if the Subway employee sees this woman's thumb angling for the keypad, the Subway employee should be like: CHEDDAR. NOT TOASTED. WE HAVE TO GO WITH THE DEFAULT! STEP AWAY FROM YOUR CELL PHONE!

2. Suction cups for the bottom of my feet that would make it possible to climb the side of a building.

7 comments:

Futbol said...

for most of my college life, i thought the word "herb" was pronounced with a strong h, like in herbie hancock. so every time i went to subway my friend chotchsky would wait for me to order and then say, loud enough so the sandwich artist would hear, "stop saying HERB," and then i would say "you're a herb." and i guess he never explained the problem to me because he assumed that i was aware of the proper pronunciation of herb and was just messing with him.

eventually i realized other people said "erb" and i changed my ways.

this is the biggest downside to being a foreign student -- the mispronunciation of subway bread varieties.

Wahkonamama said...

Some lady did the phone order thing in line with me at the Cub deli counter on Sunday. "Oh, the Virginia ham looks good, but maybe you want some smoked turkey..." She described all 20 varieties of meat. I was about to give her the stink eye when I realized she was talking to an elderly woman, possibly house-bound. Then I felt bad.

But your Subway lady totally deserved the stink eye.

Chris said...

She still should have got the stink eye if the Deli person was waiting on her at the time. No reason she couldn't stand back a bit and tell the employee I'm not ready, please wait on the next person and have the conversation with the shut-in. Unprepared people at Subway, the Deli, etc need to be beaten with a tire iron(or at least given the stink eye). People need to stop feeling that is their God given right to STEAL your time.

nanners said...

for about 2 minutes i was trying to figure out who in our work area wears too-tight pantsuits. then i got it.

Krupskaya said...

Nanners, same here.

Suber1 said...

I used to work a the Duluth co-op, and there was a blind woman who used to come in to shop. Alone. Always at 5pm, when we were busiest. No shopping list. I'd have to walk around with her as she randomly pulled things off the shelves and asked, "What's this?"

I'd always heard that your sense of hearing becomes more acute if you can't see, but obviously untrue, as she never acknowledged the rage in my voice or my requests that she call ahead so we could accommodate her.

Our track team sends our orders to Subway, and the default, no-order-tag-filled-out sandwich is ham, cheddar, lettuce, tomato on white, untoasted.

Mach1 said...

Nanners and Kruspkaya, I still can't figure it out. Does this mean I am dumb?