Monday, November 16, 2009

A novel idea ...

Like anyone in the world who has ever submitted an inky blob of alphabet to a page of the Internet, I would like to write a novel. Unfortunately, I read enough to have a better idea of what I don't want to write, than what I do.

THINGS I DO NOT WANT MY NOVEL TO INCLUDE
1. A character that bears any likeness to me. I spend enough time with myself. And I never want to ever hear someone say the phrase "thinly veiled version of herself." Blech. I'll save that navel gazing for my 12-part memoir series, working title: "The Pista Pages." However, I'm not opposed to plenty of "thinly veiled versions" of everyone I know. And by "thinly veiled," I mean with the sheerest of silk.

2. Out of control, madcap behavior. I use this analogy a lot, but if my novel was turned into a movie, I wouldn't want there to be any scenes set to the sounds of someone going apeshit on a clarinet. There is a difference between funny, and train wreck of hilarity. I'd prefer the former. I've only seen the latter work once.

3. The phrase "chick lit" to ever be uttered within a 120-paragraph radius of anything I write. In order to assure this, my female lead won't wear shoes, eat cheese, or every say any sentence that mentions weight, or lack thereof.

4. A glaring error in punctuation or spelling.

4 comments:

Sproactually said...

For some reason, I see you as Isabel Spellman in a Lisa Lutz novel all ready.

I'm holding out for the Navel Gazing.

Anonymous said...

You're going to need a team of proof readers to ensure #4 happens. Good luck! :) - Your big fan(nie)

CDP said...

On #3, the problem is that if your lead character has any female characteristics whatsover, then some jerk is going to refer to your book as "chick-lit".

Kristabella said...

My one, and only one, idea for a novel is chick lit. But I plan to have something to do with sports so that I can take it down a notch.

Also, I know that my main character is going to end up just like me. I keep trying not to, but she is.