Monday, October 12, 2009

Rascal optional ...

Sometimes the planets align and you are actually in the bean aisle of your worst-favorite grocery store when you hear the chickenish squawk, the rev of a low-powered vehicle, and turn your head just in time to see a woman plow her Rascal into a display of kidney beans, sending about 50 cans tumbling to the floor. She'd cranked that sucker to about 3 miles an hour while I was trying to decide between pinto and black beans.

In that brief quiet moment of the aftermath, you'll wonder: Do I have to leave this aisle before I explode with laughter and/or Twitter this? Or will a woman on a Rascal, starring sheepishly at a moat of kidney beans, not notice that I'm wiping the tears off my face with this painfully anti-absorbent Tweet Deck?

Instead I Pele'd a bunch of runaway cans back in her general direction before saying, "You have to admit, that was pretty funny." And when she nodded and said "The darn brakes didn't work," I finally got to crack up. For the next four hours, actually.

What wasn't funny: She was stuck in that spot, and had to sit and watch a cashier and me kick a path for her through what looked like a meadow of botulism. Meanwhile, if I had to bet, I'd say she was Rascal optional, not Rascal by necessity.

4 comments:

Sproactually said...

Whoops, wrong comment section before...

My mother, like her mother before her suffered greatly from rheumatoid arthritis, as well as Parkinson's disease, and getting around was extremely difficult for her, my father, thankfully was able to care for her for a long time, it was pretty hard on him, and we are all amazed at how long he did it for. She was pushed in a wheelchair while out, but she could use a walker at home.

My mother never did learn how to drive, she just could not handle the turn, shift, gas multitasking environment of the automobile, and she never forgave my father for taking her out of the city.

One day the Rascal salesman shows up, launches into his spiel and how wonderful this would be to improve my mother's mobility, my father gently informing the young man that she can't handle one.

Now, my father tried the "use a scooter" at some Wal-mart in Florida, this was before you-tube, so the carnage could not be broadcast to the world, but I believe the episode ended with Wal-mart requesting that my parents not visit again, a large order of Tide to replenished the damage stock and several hours cleaning the store.

So back to the driveway where the guy "insisted" she try the Rascal out. My father again, more firmly insisting that this is a very bad idea. Why are you denying her the chance for mobility he gushes on. Not taking no for an answer, he gets my mother in this thing, and heads for the high ground.

I believe the scrape ran the entire length of the guys van, not to mention the damage to the Rascal. My father, arms folded, still up on the retaining wall, you were told.

Talk With No Thought said...

If I could construct a play-by-play of my perfect day, this would occur early in the line up. Precious.

(black beans...always go with the black beans)

Amy said...

i can't get thru that craptastic grocery store myself, and that's without my rascal. i was there yesterday too, but i missed the hilarity. there was a woman who gave me apples and juice though.

chuck said...

That's it. I'm opening a Rascal driving school.