* Check out iTunes' new release movies. Find that one that is based on that Bret Easton Ellis book that you didn't understand. Realize it isn't available for rent. Buy it for $14.99. Shrug. Recognize that being bedridden is keeping you from doing anything else that costs money. Consider this a money-saving technique. Do not, however, make the same splurge on "Adventureland." That would just be silly.
* Realize that the tv.com ap includes episodes of Melrose Place. We're talking mom-jeans and bangs, kiddies. Feel the tug of ghoulish nostalgia when the theme song kicks in.
* Alternate between a poorly conceived novel with a horrifying protagonist, and a 700-plus page Stephen King novel.
* Make a pile of cold mozzarella cheese sticks, using your stomach as a cafeteria tray. Eat slowly.
* Wonder when your body will begin to recreationally make water again.