Sunday, August 30, 2009

Salve for the bed sores ...

THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE BEDRIDDEN (A short list)
* Check out iTunes' new release movies. Find that one that is based on that Bret Easton Ellis book that you didn't understand. Realize it isn't available for rent. Buy it for $14.99. Shrug. Recognize that being bedridden is keeping you from doing anything else that costs money. Consider this a money-saving technique. Do not, however, make the same splurge on "Adventureland." That would just be silly.
* Realize that the tv.com ap includes episodes of Melrose Place. We're talking mom-jeans and bangs, kiddies. Feel the tug of ghoulish nostalgia when the theme song kicks in.
* Alternate between a poorly conceived novel with a horrifying protagonist, and a 700-plus page Stephen King novel.
* Make a pile of cold mozzarella cheese sticks, using your stomach as a cafeteria tray. Eat slowly.
* Wonder when your body will begin to recreationally make water again.

8 comments:

beret said...

Which Stephen King novel are you reading?

christina said...

"Insomnia" -- have you read it?

beret said...

Yes. Very bizarre.

CDP said...

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Redneck Princess said...

I credit Insomnia with helping to cure my insomnia. Ironic. It is the only book I've never completed. Ever.

Futbol said...

i liked Adventureland. not only did i identify with the protagonist, for obvious reasons, but you gotta love any movie where Ryan Reynolds is not The Man and is actually a bit sad and sleazy.

christina said...

Dammit Futbol. Now I'm going to end up buying that one, too. All because I'm too lazy to drive to my local video store. Boo.

Futbol said...

nononono. not worth buying. worth watching, certainly.