Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Free to pee, you and me ...

I was two strides and one full bladder from a public bathroom when I ran into an acquaintance.

Not the sort of person I know well enough to, for instance, belch in front of and say "Hm ... I'm getting pesto. That's weird, I don't remember having any pesto today." But also not the kind of person I with whom I could play no-eye-contact, blank-stare, amnesia with, either. [Although, I can't remember his name ...]

He's all: Hey, Christa [weather, baseball, whatever]
And I'm all: [Purposefully wistful and obvious glances at the sign marked "Ladies" with distracted nods.]

I know I pee a lot. I pride myself on peeing a lot. You've never seen someone so proud of how often she pees. So it's possible he thought this trip to the restroom was less of an emergency, and more of a cry for help.]

He's all: Blah blah dogs-are-a-nice-pet ...
And I'm all: [Actually caressing the bathroom door with my fingertips.]
He's all: Ho! Ho! Ho!

And I couldn't help but think: I'm actually touching this bathroom door. If this were a game of tag, I'd be home free. I'd be more than home free. I'd be home pee.

Finally I broke free by pushing the door open, which seemed to break his conversational flow. I sprinted inside, and as the door closed, I noticed that he had turned and walked into the men's room.

It looked more like a decision than a necessity. And maybe that's why he didn't understand.

5 comments:

Flubtastic Doofalo said...

Nothing comes between me and my restroom. Acquaintances will have to wait.

CDP said...

At least he wasn't waiting for you when you came out. I assume, anyway.

Mach1 said...

Did this happen at the Y? If so, I'm not surprised. The Y is sort of downtown Duluth's Old Boys' Club. I've had people try to converse with me (about nothing) on the treadmill, while doing sit-ups, while towelling off, etc. There seem to be no boundaries there.

audra said...

god, i almost peed just reading this.

i'm in LOVE with your blog & had to put it on our blogroll immediately! keep up the fabulous work, darling.

cg said...

Next time, try the method I used once during a passing encounter with an acquaintance near the bathroom.
He: "Hey, long time no see. How are you doing?!"
Me: "I'll be doing a lot better once I relieve myself."