Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Free to pee, you and me ...

I was two strides and one full bladder from a public bathroom when I ran into an acquaintance.

Not the sort of person I know well enough to, for instance, belch in front of and say "Hm ... I'm getting pesto. That's weird, I don't remember having any pesto today." But also not the kind of person I with whom I could play no-eye-contact, blank-stare, amnesia with, either. [Although, I can't remember his name ...]

He's all: Hey, Christa [weather, baseball, whatever]
And I'm all: [Purposefully wistful and obvious glances at the sign marked "Ladies" with distracted nods.]

I know I pee a lot. I pride myself on peeing a lot. You've never seen someone so proud of how often she pees. So it's possible he thought this trip to the restroom was less of an emergency, and more of a cry for help.]

He's all: Blah blah dogs-are-a-nice-pet ...
And I'm all: [Actually caressing the bathroom door with my fingertips.]
He's all: Ho! Ho! Ho!

And I couldn't help but think: I'm actually touching this bathroom door. If this were a game of tag, I'd be home free. I'd be more than home free. I'd be home pee.

Finally I broke free by pushing the door open, which seemed to break his conversational flow. I sprinted inside, and as the door closed, I noticed that he had turned and walked into the men's room.

It looked more like a decision than a necessity. And maybe that's why he didn't understand.


Anonymous said...

Nothing comes between me and my restroom. Acquaintances will have to wait.

CDP said...

At least he wasn't waiting for you when you came out. I assume, anyway.

Mach1 said...

Did this happen at the Y? If so, I'm not surprised. The Y is sort of downtown Duluth's Old Boys' Club. I've had people try to converse with me (about nothing) on the treadmill, while doing sit-ups, while towelling off, etc. There seem to be no boundaries there.

audra said...

god, i almost peed just reading this.

i'm in LOVE with your blog & had to put it on our blogroll immediately! keep up the fabulous work, darling.

cg said...

Next time, try the method I used once during a passing encounter with an acquaintance near the bathroom.
He: "Hey, long time no see. How are you doing?!"
Me: "I'll be doing a lot better once I relieve myself."