Sunday, March 29, 2009

the things you don't tweet ...

recently i was reading a post by someone who uses twitter, and said now she always, in her head, narrates her life in 140 characters or less. [i can't remember who's post this was, so i'm sorry i'm not giving proper attribution.] i find myself doing the same thing.

unfortunately, since the items i post to twitter also go to facebook, i have to really consider the resale value. i have more facebook friends than i have people who read my blog. and i'm guessing some facebook friends have a more touchy stomach than others.

i always consider one specific facebook friend: one of those nice men with a quiet life filled with outdoor activities and kids who go to colleges that don't rank in playboy's list of party schools. kids who graduate in four years and immediately get jobs and know how to wear a scarf. the kind of guy who probably doesn't want to know that i have cramps or that toonses is regular to a fault. it's because of him, and people like him, that i can't write things like:

until today, i've never really understood how someone could lose control of their bowels during a run.


or

i swear i just went to the bathroom, but there is no evidence in the toilet. that's not satisfying at all.

so some of my observations or exaggerations or fan fiction about the world around me have to go unrealized. ...

***

tonight i was standing on our deck and the street was quiet and i overheard two guys talking as they walked. they couldn't see me. first one said, about three times in a row: "i be the baby's daddy. ... i be the baby's daddy." and then expressed concern that someone was saying he was not.

this was funny.

it was not funny when he said:

"look at all these frat houses. it's saturday night ... they're empty. we could just walk right in. no one's home. it's saturday night! we should go home, drink some beer, come back and get our money."

this scared me shitless. and frankly, continues to scare me shitless as the night progresses.

2 comments:

feisty said...

i'm scared too. i hope the night was UN-eventful.

Whiskeymarie said...

I just realized after posting a FB status update alluding to blowjobs that maybe, just maybe- I should re-think what I say there.

Or not. Maybe my religious aunt in Ohio found it funny?