Friday, March 20, 2009

no reason to ever be stupid again ...

at first i felt like a total fraud for having an iphone. it's this clunky plastic wrapped in an obnoxious hot pink rubber skin, and with my first greasy finger print i'd marred it aesthetically so it no longer looked like the phone in the commercials. plus, we all know that i'll eventually drop it in a toilet.

pulling it out of my pocket felt show-offy. like oooohhhh, look at my iphone, i can change my facebook status from the fitting room at american eagle.

lilgrl: Smuggling crisco into American eagle so I can try on skinny jeans
3:05 PM Feb 21st from twitterrific

it's not like i needed an iphone. hell, i barely need a phone. i blew my idle-chit-chat allowance in high school, and now i'm perfectly content to hear about people's lives on their blogs, and listen to the voices in my head. and if you want to know about the minutia of my day: it's all here on

jcrew: do you want to see my photos from italy?
me: i saw them on facebook.
jcrew: that was just some of them. i have my photo albums--
me: [rapid blinking]
me: can't you just put them on flickr?
jcrew: you can just look, i won't explain them to you.
me: [awkward silence]

ever since i got trapped on my parent's itchy paisley couch, listening to my mom's story of her "pilgrimage" through italy:
stone by stone,
saint by saint,
priest by priest,
stained glass window by --

my pavlovian response to "do you want to see my photos from italy?" will look like that scene from the afterschool special where helen hunt gets hooked on the drugs and goes hardcastle & mccormick through a window.

i didn't need an ipod, either. i have a cute little nano, filled with songs i don't listen to. and as far as i can tell, the iphone as an ipod hoovers the life force from the iphone.

so here i am with my piece of technology, feeling a little uneasy. until i used the map to find one of those small northern minnesota towns you hear about and drive through but can't remember where you saw it.

pike lake who?

the GPS: led me straight to the spot. in fact, it showed my movement along the map. this also came in handy huge while we were in LA.


lilgrl: See mr. [redacted]? I knew I'd never need to know how to read a map. #gps
13 days ago from twitterrific

the camera is far better than my actual camera, even without having a flash or zoom or a special icon with party hats and fireworks:

the constant internet presence means i have no excuse for stupidity. scene: four people standing around in the bar at pizza luce. no one can remember what band johnny thunder was in.

huzzah! i yank out old pink and clunky, a few clicks on wikipanion later: new york dolls.

the phrase "i wonder ..." has become obsolete.

but my favorite thing is the shazam, an app that allows me to stand in the middle of abercrombie, push a button, and find out which swedish pop duo is going to try to coax me into buying 60 dollar sweatpants, self tanner, winter flip flops and spontaneously rolling eyeballs.

song: sunshine in the rain
band: BWO
do you want to buy it?: hm ... maybe later.

i did that again tonight in the car while listening to college radio. i felt very secret agent lady.

song: walking on a dream
band: empire of the sun

so i don't know. suddenly i'm hooked on all these things i didn't rely on three months ago that make my life easier and fill it with a never ending stream of information. so when i finally drop it in the toilet and can't afford a new one and get stuck with a 20 dollar nokia flip phone from a cereal box, i'll always feel like i'm camping. suck.


CDP said...

I got the stupidly-named LG En-V when it was time for my upgrade, and the only feature I really use (which I LOVE) is the QWERTY keyboard for texting. I have mobile internet on a per-use basis, and I haven't used it yet, but it's nice to know that I COULD if I needed to.

feisty said...

the price of an iPhone is worth having that one shazam application. i'm as jealous as jessica wakefield when elizabeth wins homecoming queen.

i grew up in pike lake. i'm surprised the GPS application found it. it is basically a gas station and a Dairy Queen. the DQ was 6 miles from my house growing up- and i'd ride my bike that far for a dipped cone.

diatribes and dish said...

ooooh, mine's coming in the mail today. i could use a little boost of intelligence right about now.

Krupskaya said...

I *love* that picture of Chuck and I'm saying that in the least stalker way possible.