Tuesday, February 24, 2009

no frey zone ...


here's hoping the people at the ymca think i'm one of those classy bitches who wears fur running pants.

THE SCENE: you wander into the spinning room during off-hours. it is dark, except for blue christmas lights, which makes it seem like you are about to ride a bike at a pink floyd lasar light show in a high school planetarium.

on a bike to my left is a dude who looks like a cross between a guitar-player dad and teen wolf. like not necessarily in a band, but maybe he plays at like a sandwich shop on tuesday nights and is packed up by 9 p.m., and done with his payment -- a single newcastle -- by 9:35 p.m. he seems nice.

he is wearing an ipod.

on my left is a woman who is not just cycling, but has a cycling routine. the book "interview with a vampire" is parked near her front tire.

Q: now. which one of these two pranksters cranked the eagles greatest hits on the universal stereo system?

aside from "the heat is on," glenn frey is hardly the richard simmons of easy listening. i honestly can't think of worse workout music. i spent 10 miles trying.

lyin' eyes?
already gone?

during desperado, i try to go faster when he says " ... out riding fences ..."

"interview with a vampire" hops off her bike during "tequila sunrise." sprays down the equipment, grabs her book and leaves. so guitar-dad picked the eagles. that was my first guess. except that he hops off, cleans his bike, and walks out during "peaceful easy feeling."

"wait!" i said to him. "is this your music?"
"no," he says. "it was the girl's."

and now i'm stuck with it. he asks if i want him to turn it off, but i only have like 30 seconds left to go, so i wave him off.

by then i'd already thought back to the playlist i'd just been running to earlier. it went a little like this:

"holding out for a hero" by bonnie tyler
"holding out for a hero" by bonnie tyler
"holding out for a hero" by bonnie tyler
"bizarre love triangle" by new order
"holding out for a hero" by bonnie tyler

lather. rinse. repeat.

***
as an added bonus, here is footage from my lunch date with jcrew. as we left the india palace lunch buffet. if not for scat humor, i'm not sure we would ever have anything to say to each other.

me: hmm ... i got rice pudding on my jeans.
jcrew: of course you did. ... oh! i got sauce on my shirt!
me: of course you did.

jcrew: oof. i'm so sick
me: man. indian food just goes right through me. it doesn't even pause.
jcrew: you have tiki masala sauce on your face.
me: is it gone?
jcrew: no.
me: is it gone?
jcrew: no.
me: is it gone.
jcrew: no.
me: god. it's like i just stuck my head in the tiki masala vat.
[jcrew mimes motorboating a pan of tiki masala.]

3 comments:

nanners said...

no one cares but in the interest of accuracy i said "that sounds about right." we need to start writing these things down.

Futbol said...

i thought this post was going to be about james frey. and then i remembered you're not oprah. in fact, you're the polar opposite of oprah. you're the anti-oprah. bizarro oprah, even.

Mach1 said...

I thought I had never heard "Bizarre Love Triangle" and then I looked it up and it turns out I love this song, but never knew what it was called. Once again, you improve my life.