this photo is from the first of chuck's birthday parties that i went to in 2006. those goalie pads were attached to the wall and chuck's fannie burned them off with a lighter. i strapped chuck into them. they were upside down.
today is chuck's birthday. he will be three years older than me for the next eight months, which would be totally scandalous if i was 12.
finding a gift for him is impossible. he doesn't seem to want things. i never open an urban outfitters catalog to find he's dog-eared an ironic t. he doesn't pet inanimate objects at the mall. when he goes to target, he just comes home with deodorant.
if he does want something, he does what you do: has a few beers, gives his wallet a yank and buys it from amazon.
every day since the day i realized we would be a couple that might exchange gifts at some point, i have been paying very close attention when he talks about things in a favorable way. plotting how i can parlay that into something wrapped.
if i had to guess at the contents of his birthday list, it would be this:
1. more hours in a day when he is awake, alert, and not at work or about to go to work or just home from work;
2. me to do something with the stack of rubbermades that have been left right inside the door since i moved in;
3. less stuff.
5. a bonfire fueled by the pizza boxes we've collected over the past three years.
at least three of my ideas were squelched because, before shopping, i'd mentally assigned prices to them that were more realistic in 1958. not that there were automatic car starters in 1958. or iphones.
so i got him a few small things. two of them noted on the package that they were acceptable for children 8 and up. this seemed okay by him.
this is also from 2006. i made angel food cupcakes for chuck. it was the first time i'd put anything in an oven besides dirty dishes in, like, ever. it was also the first time i'd done anything cheesy in, like, ever.