Monday, September 29, 2008

this girl's weird and prudish spiral ...

i had a quiet week filled with cooking, lounging and reading. then the whole thing came unhinged on saturday night at one of those nouveau bachelorette type parties that are coed and don't involve any clothing that says "suck for a buck" in puffy paint. readers, this was undoubtedly the wildest party i've been to in years.

unfortunately, my camera was picked up by the exotic dancer and i haven't gotten it back from him yet. by exotic dancer, i mean one of our friends in a pair of daisy dukes with a tight black plether jacket and a white feather boa, dancing on a coffee table to the song "faith" by george michael.

i couldn't even stand i was laughing so hard. also, i should note that when the show started, i sprinted out of the living room with some sort of internal fight or flight instinct. i hid in a corner by chuck and my face was bright red. i am on weird and prudish spiral.

as for the rest of the week:

MAKING FOODS

chickpea stew with couscous [via]: this may be my greatest recipe-following accomplishment to date, this neon yellow vegan stew of carrots, chickpeas, red bell pepper, onion, garlic and butternut squash soup ladeled over couscous. it tasted like something straight off the menu at india palace, and looked like something that would make traffic yield. i wanted someone to come into my kitchen and pat me on my head and congratulate me for making yum. also very, very, very simple.


tempeh burritos with tofu cream sauce from the art of tofu cookbook: these burritos are filled with corn, peppers, crumbled tempeh, zucchini, onions and some seasonings and then spread with a sauce made from tofu, miso and dijon mustard ... this was so fun and labor intensive, but for some reason only every other bite tasted good to me. chuckster, however, loved them.


READING
"twilight" by stephanie meyer: Bella Swan, the new girl in school, is brave — albeit clumsy — a misfit who smells like freesia and has the high school boys in a drooling tizzy. Especially Edward Cullen, who sits at a back table in the cafeteria with an impenetrable gang of equally attractive and socially inept friends and siblings. Bella is drawn to Edward, who runs hot and marble cold when he is near her … until finally he confesses that he can’t stay away from her.

True love ensues. The dangerous kind of true love, akin to falling in love with a mound of cheese curds. Nuzzling up to the greasy batter, maybe even licking a crumb, BUT NOT EATING IT! NO DON’T EAT IT! YOU LOVE THIS FOOD TO MUCH FOR IT TO BE GONE! BUT IT SMELLS SO GOOOOOOOOD!

Edward, the male lead in Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight is a vampire. His electric touch is like a cold stone; his skin is glitter in the sunlight. And his eyes, his eyes are:

black — coal black.
careful.
a strange ocher, darker than butterscotch, but with some golden tone.
gold-colored.
light again today, a deep golden honey color.
serious.
befuddled.
brooding.
scorching.
impenetrable.
troubled.
bright, excited.
mocking.
dancing.
searching.
burning gold.
bright only with humor.
glorious.

full review here.

"downtown owl" by chuck klosterman: Follows a few months in the lives of 17-year-old level-headed, slightly depressed, Mitch — a mediocre athlete who’s ideal bedroom would be as sterile as a hotel room. Julia, the 23-year-old recently-hired history teacher who’s resale value skyrockets because she’s new in town and she’s in a town of men who want to ply a woman with alcohol. And Horace, a widower who enjoys solitude, spy biographies and wars he did not fight in. The omniscient unnamed narrator is a smartass, 80s trivia guru, with a keen understanding of how a cold winter wind could feel like snorting Cocaine.

full review here.

READING THE INTERNET [instead of things on paper]
"in which you might want to save that for the second date" : i've been reading this site for about a year ago and it reminds me of a magazine in the way that i have come to have some favorite writers -- one being molly lambert. here she makes a list not unlike something you would see in cosmo, but makes it funny and specific and clever in a way that these lists almost never are.

adverb police: i forgot to link to this last week, but in the ultimate show of word nerdmanship [my highest praise, fyi] jodi counts adverbs in the klosterman novel. she later returns with a review that had me in stitches. jodi in a rage over a book is one of the greatest kinds of rage. [she does things like throw books across the room.]

"diagnosing chuck klosterman" [via]: my favorite part of this salon feature is where klosterman confesses that when he is in a crowded area, he looks around and wonders who would be the terrorist in the crowd. when the interviewer asks him to do it in the nearly empty east village bar where she is interviewing him, i knew he was going to say himself. when sarah hepola takes offense at not being deemed "the terrorist" klosterman tells her "i think you'd listen to me before i'd listen to you."

MOVIE MANIA
"bringing out the dead" 1999: nic cage brings his "leaving las vegas" face to this true story of a new york city ambulance driver who is on a bad run where he can't save anyone. both funny and depressing and yuck at the same time and it is shot in a way that suggests surfing on hunter s. thompson's brain waves during his most whacked out moments. cage's character develops a creepy allegiance to a former junkie who's father he brought in. should the relationship continue beyond the closing credits, they have an awkward conversation in their future. this movie is great.

"this boy's life" 1993: leonardo at that awkward age where he still looks like gilbert grape, stars as a young tobias wolff. his mom's on the lam from everything and he's riding shotgun, singing showtunes. they settle in a small town in washington with her most recent verbally abusive nitwit husband. just for fun, play "spot eliza dushku" when viewing. it's a little skeevy seeing buffy's faith as a 12 year old.

"mrs. parker and the vicious circle" 2006: jennifer jason leigh wears kicky hats and growls a lot as dorothy parker. a lot of it is hard to follow, but man it is like a good-time tutorial. henceforth i will say: "dah-ling ... should we go wild tonight?" and it will sound like toonses is sitting on my stomach when i say it. also, a strange all-star cast that includes andrew mccarthy, gwyneth paltrow, matthew broderick, martha plimpton, etc.

TV TIME
"the hills": lo is the oozy goozies narc. "dear lc," she writes in her prada log each night that lauren is in italy. "today audrina betrayed you by not rolling her eyes once when she ran into heidi; meanwhile, stephanie pratt is face-first in your reject pool." it's amazing how things come unhinged when lauren isn't there to tell her friends stage left and stage right. these people thrive on complicated incestuous circles, like their own self-contained vc andrews novel.

"one tree hill": as lucas gave the basketball team a pep talk, i was rewriting it in my head. and in my head, i was saying: "for the rest of the season, the ravens are going to play with just four men on the court. ... for q!" and then, two scenes later, the ravens are playing with just four men on the court. i love when the most ridiculous fan-fiction i can conjure actually is realized.

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