Wednesday, August 20, 2008

wednesday's yays, nays and mehs ...

* while attempting to purchase some groceries, i realize i've left my debit card in the ATM machine after making a deposit: nay.

* luckily, i have enough cash to buy corn nibblets: yay!

* the teller at the michigan street satellite branch of wells fargo tells me no one has turned in my card, no one has used my card, and that likely the ATM hoovered the abandoned card and shredded it. she cancels it just in case and orders me a new one: meh.

* i have a voice mail message from wells fargo saying that a man returned my card to their main branch. he had accidentally taken 60 dollars out of my account. he gave that back, too: yay!

* naturally, i hold the tellers captive with -- obviously -- THE STORY ABOUT HOW LAST WEEK I WAS ROBBED AT GUNPOINT and that time the robber didn't get my debit card either and how haha obviously i'm the luckiest person to ever be willy nilly with a debit card: nay. i'm turning into the worst, most repetitive victim since nancy kerrigan. call me, today show.

* i have a voicemail message from my mom: nay. i'm the pitcher when it comes to communicating with the parents pista. something bad must have happened.

* ma pista just wants to know if i can sleep at night or have bought a guard bear: meh.

* then she repeats, for the second time, "well, hopefully you learned something from this." this sentence makes me want to instigate a hail of leeches over rochester. learned something? yes. i learned that sometimes random crimes happen to random people. "so you're just still driving around unaware not paying attention to if someone's following you?" she asks. "a few times i've driven around the block before parking," i tell her. "but i don't plan on doing that for the rest of my life. that's pretty unhealthy," i tell her. "NOW STOP ASKING ME IF I LEARNED A LESSON!": nay. i hate this conversation.

* i get a late hair appointment with david, a hair genius who would weep if he saw my hat collection and rubber band art: yay!

* he does something magical to my head and 2 hours, 15 minutes later i leave beaming like it's my first communion. "this is my favorite haircut yet," i tell him as he lets me out the service enterance: yay!

* but between errands, the y, the debit card debacle, my hair and some baking, i don't have time to adopt a child from ethiopia, or watch 'what i like about you' -- the most underrated sitcom tivo has ever introduced me to: nay.

* turns out toonses likes the smell of aveda products. apparently it reminds him of iams weight control flavor. reader, he grazed on me: nay.


diatribes and dish said...

i need to know where david the hair genius works, because in about a month, i'll have about eight inches of hair that needs to be cut off.

CDP said...

Hilarious. And you're dead right on the whole "learned a lesson" thing. I was a victim of a violent crime, and like you, I think that the only lesson to be learned is that some people are evil and they should go to jail. The end.

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Where was Chuck to protect you through all this? Jesus christ I'm out of touch with you, and, as a result, Duluth. You make it sound like Gary, IN from 7 years ago.