... if it was 1989 and i was going into eighth grade at st. pius x. [the fashion series]
1. lesportsac: these then-$7 pouches, the gaudier the design the better, were perfect for carrying contraband glitter pens, notes writen in multiple colors of ink and folded into mini footballs, a tin of carmex and one pink pouch-wrapped always maxipad. also good for whapping people in the keister while passing in the halls. street cred earned when the lining cracked and pealed like a parched old lady's lips and a pool of blue ink stained the bottom corner.
2. esleep pajamas: this stylish pj collection consisted of knee-length boxer style shorts and a button-up top cut like an old school jersey. [see above photo]. slumber parties looked like a scene from "a league of their own." i'm, obviously, geena davis. fannie, obviously, is from the unreleased footage of lionel ritchie. the very versitile shorts could also be worn over shiney blue leggings to basketball, track or volleyball practice.
3. bass boat shoes: the first day with a pair of new bass boat shoes was tricky because the stiff leather smelled like kippered beef jerkey and it was impossible to not lick one. impossible. best worn with slouchy red socks socks inner-tubing the ankle. wearer encouraged to not so much walk as shuffle along in these boat shoes. wearer also encouraged to not completely put one's foot into a pair. street cred comes from breaking down the heel and turning a pair of bass boat shoes into a pair of bass clogs.
4. wet 'n' wild makeup collection: the wet 'n' wild collection was most popular for its $1.99 price tag. popular items included a dry white glittery lipstick that was painful and sandpapery to apply, dark blue nail polish and mascara that came in a color called "totally teal." the hot pink hues were also popular, regardless of if your color analysis defined you as an autumn. i found a shade that perfectly matched the palm tree on my favorite half-shirt and went upstairs to say hello to one of my mom's visiting friends. as i walked back down the steps, i heard her say: "she's still experimenting with makeup."
5. swatch watch: colorful plastic band with a colorful face, and you were assured no one would have the same watch. although having a swatch was not quite enough. to complete the package, one needed two rubber band scratch guards, twisted together to cover the face of the watch. never to referred to as a "watch." no, it is a swatch. as in "oh, he was like totally checking out your swatch."