Sunday, May 25, 2008

this is why i have a hard time liking you ...

toonses spent two days under the couch, occasionally pulling himself out by his elbows, his belly dragging along the floor. with a barbed wire and crooked helmet, it would have looked like "saving private ryan."

thursday night he was wandering around meowing and it sounded like he was saying uh-oh. he tried sitting on my polar fleece. he moved to a sweatshirt. he settled onto a cardboard box. uh-oh. uh-oh. i thought: someone has to tinkle. i scooped him up, set him next to his litter box and he made both one and twos and i thanked him for his attention to detail. well, he got a little sprinkle on the box, but that was okay. he knows where to go now, and when he didn't know where to go, he went on something i could immediatly ditch into a recycling bin.

life was good. i caught chuck rubbing toonses belly, the two cozy on the couch and thought: aw. this is nice.

friday night we went to bed. i closed the door, lodged it shut with a 15 pound free weight. about 20 minutes later, toonses came knocking. ramming his head into the door and meowing. ramming some more. meowing some more. i felt like i was in a horror movie. finally toonses flung his entire body at the door and it slipped open. then he gave a a puny: meow as his little rat face poked its way into the room.

friggin' cujo.

i threw him back into the hall, added about 15 pounds of pennies as additional blockage and went back to sleep without interuption.

last night, toonses was back to his original, fully annoying form: growling in the hallway, then beating down the door. i tried to ignore him, but this cat is stubborn. he once meowed for three and a half consecutive hours and he was just getting started. he used to do this a lot, which is why i started sleeping a mile away from his little whiney, headbutting, self.

i looked at chuck. "what do i do now?" i asked. he did that voodoo with my landlord's dog. he and toonses did have that moment on the couch. not to mention chuck recently put an entire grill together. i thought for sure he would have an answer. he shrugged.

i was, what i like to call, painfully tired. and toonses was making me painfully frustrated.

he had food.
fresh litter.
the rest of the apartment open to his browsing whims.

finally i got out of bed and spent 45 minutes taunting him with a plastic lei with one hand, while googling for answers with the other:

"cat won't stop meowing won't let me sleep."

cat bulletin boards and forums are a lot like windows vista bulletin boards and forums.

1. ask question.
2. someone responds "hmm ... i don't know."
3. four people say "oh! i have the same problem!" and give their own anecdotal evidence of problem.
4. another person says "wow. that is a problem."
5. some jackhole provides an answer, which is less of an answer and more of just a sort of tourettes outburst suggesting that the problem with your cat [or windows vista] can be fixed sexually.

toonses still seemed pretty active, so i brushed him for the first hour of grey's anatomy, and then tried to settle him down during the second hour.

finally at 6 a.m. i went to sleep and he left me alone.

i'm going to set him free in the back yard if he doesn't watch it.


J-Money said...

Perhaps Toonces would like to elope with my little Boxerbeast who has recently decided that 3 a.m. is the best time to go outside. And who informs me of this decision by stepping on my ribcage. Yay pets.

Whiskeymarie said...

Pooter did the same head-butt on the door thing when we first got her & tried to keep her out of the bedroom.

By my use of the word "tried" you can guess how well that worked.
Now, most nights I have one sleeping on my head and one sleeping on my feet.
They totally own me.

Kristabella said...

This is why I sleep with a loud fan on. If I lock my cats out (which I only do in the summer when I don't need anything else WARM near me besides the humid, hot air) the fan blocks out their meowing and general noise.