Thursday, May 22, 2008

look what i dragged in ...

today was national "reintegrate toonses into conventional society" day. i had tried kind of passive aggressively to find a new home for him, but surprisingly a lot of people don't want an 11 year old cat who acts like a drunk 19 year old girl wearing four inch wedge heels.

last week i set a date: on wednesday i would reintegrate toonses into conventional society. i bought him a cute little travel tent, which seemed more mobile than the schnauzer carrying case i've used six other times to move him to a new home. [one time i put him on my lap for the two mile drive and we weren't yet in reverse when he made two shits on my jeans.] the tent holds a cat up to 25 pounds -- i added 'give or take' in my head -- and will really come in handy if the three of us go camping this summer in the wisconsin dells.

this "reintegration" date had me a bit mental and unable to sleep on tuesday. i ADD'd all over the apartment and had you cranked open the roof of my brain you would have seen a lot of flourecent colors spinning and ideas being shot into the air like paint balls until i finally resigned to drugging myself comatose -- where i stayed until 4 p.m. truthfully, i'm feeling guilty that i am apparently a package deal because of a silly whim when i was 22. and the only thing that makes me feel better is that my silly whim isn't an 11 year old child fresh from a juvenile detention facility or a tattoo the size of a gravy boat on the small of my back.

i also feel guilty for not being a cat person, but i'll save that for my feelings journal.

unlike most 11 year olds, toonses did not want to get into the tent. he told me this by squealing and extending his toenails ferociously. i called my landlord, who loves manhandling toonses, and it was still tricky and resembled wrestlemania III but it worked. landlord carried the growling package to the car and cooed through the vynal window for the mile drive. we brought him inside the house, and he skulked along the baseboards, dusting hard to reach places.

i showed toonses where he would be eating and crapping and i just hope he doesn't get these places confused. then i brushed him for about 45 minutes, long enough to harvest another whole cat, and he laid on my bladder while we watched a movie. he seems to like it here. he had the same wide-eyed wonder i had the first time i visited this apartment ... and, well, every day since.

and with that, i'm a cat blogger.

10 comments:

Sproactually said...

My cat upon insertion into a cat carrier and the shift of the car into first, will poop. Followed by wailing that would make you think that I have high voltage electrodes attached to the cat. The best travel solution I could come up with was a TV sized box, and placing the cats litter box inside said box. With a few strategic placed cutouts I could move said cat to the vet, where, I would walk in, place the box marked "Danger, attack cat" that was wailing, hissing and growing, on the floor, open the top and out would step the most pleasant docile creature known to man.

A few years ago I was sent on Temporary assignment to Arizona for 3 months, my sister took in my cat to take care of him. I would get E-mails that read, food bowl empty, litter box full, I guess the cat's fine. They never saw him. Her Daughters would report nocturnal visits to their beds, but that was it.

Writing this I realized the my cat is "about" 10, because I'm not really sure when he appeared at my apartment after I was divorced, my kids pulled the kitten out of a barn and he was quite ill. I guess he made a mess in their new house, and was quite panicked by the dog, and they pleaded me with me to take him in.

So cat has been with me all this time, and yes, I call him cat.

Now all I need is a job in a library.

Anonymous said...

can we see a picture of toonsie in his new environs? -Fannie

Miss Kate said...

Awww! A happy ending for Toonses!

(But I thought Chuck was allergic?)

Perfectly Shelly said...

I always thought I was a cat person, until I had dogs, then I realized, I wasn't so much a cat person. They're cute and all, but dogs are FUN.

Whiskeymarie said...

I commented, but I can see that blogger chose to ignore me once again...

All I can say is, welcome. As a newish member of the "cat lady" club and it's newly appointed social secretary, I anxiously await to see how toonses adapts. Hopefully poop in inappropriate places will not be involved.

FYI: Our meetings are held on the third Thursday of every other month. Bring booze and a lint brush.

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh, and- I'm allergic too.

You get used to it, but stock up on Benadryl for now. It's great with a glass of wine.

nanners said...

aah, together again. i bet he poops on your head while you sleep for forcing him into semi-orphanhood for a year. that's the toonses i know and love/hate.

Laurie said...

Yay! Now watch out for this...http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/05/18/funny-pictures-i-told-u-he-wud-be-mine/

Beverly said...

I'm going to google "cat blogs" rightnow. I had no idea.

Kristabella said...

I drove from San Francisco to Chicago with my cat in my car. I have never heard a cat HOWL and SCREECH like that before. For the WHOLE car ride. She'd hid under my seat and not eat or drink and I was positive I was going to have a dead cat soon, if I didn't get her home.