Wednesday, May 14, 2008

hopped up on kava ...

over the weekend, my friend the punk rock girl went amway on me about kava tea -- made from a legal medicinal herb that will numb your crazies one sasparilla-flavored sip at a time.

"it's supposed to be like taking a valium," she said.

up until that point i was interested in it. but i'm not really one of those people squirreling away leftover codiene from when i had my wisdom teeth removed. that percocet for your chronic back pain that you have hidden behind the tums in your medicine cabinent? i won't be lifting it when i sneak off to the bathroom to dump a napkin of mushrooms down the toilet during your dinner party. i will throw back a shot of nyquil, or pop a soy sleep II very rarely if i am still awake when the "today show" starts. but the great benedryl overdose of 2007 kind of put the kabosh on even that. i prefer to alter my moods with beer, or on special occasions, tequila.

so valium wasn't really a selling point. the selling point came 15 minutes later when i saw the look of pure sunbathed relaxation cross her face. it was like morrissey himself had taken his index finger and pushed her bangs aside, cooing "there, there, punk rock girl."

i jumped in my car and raced to whole foods.

a few months ago we were watching the travel channel and it featured these men doing a variation of bungee jumping involving a platform, rope made from tree limbs, a strategically placed tube sock and absolutely no bungee effect. they would jump and then sort of hit the dirt and bounce -- making sure their head hits the ground first. then they jump up, cheer, climb higher. [video of these men here].

"they were drinking kava," chuck reminded me when i told him about the tea.

chuck tried it first. his voice sounded like it was wrapped in a designer robe and plush slippers. i expected him to be ordering an ascot from some web site dedicated to gentlemen of leisure. "walden" laying open on his chest. then i tried it. the first sip, very subtly and not uncomfortably, numbs your tongue, then throat. within about six minutes i was squashed lower into the couch, lulled, pleasant and agreeable. i wasn't sure if i had just unwound or if it really affected me until i realized we had been talking about cavemen for about a half hour.

good stuff.


Miss Kate said...

I forgot about kava, but it played an important role in putting me to sleep when the bad baseball player dumped me for the news anchor.

Whiskeymarie said...

I'm totally buying some today. Do you know if they sell it by the case?

diatribes and dish said...

I wonder how many people are going to jump in their cars and rush to Whole Foods after reading your post. If I hadn't forgotten my wallet at home today, I'd be there by noon.

L Sass said...

Really? I need to try this!

Kristabella said...

Is this stuff legal? I'm heading to Whole Foods right now!