Friday, April 4, 2008

chronicle of a crave ...



in the middle of the night i got a hankerin' for smoked oysters on ritz crackers, splashed with a dot of tobasco sauce.

this is not something that registers on chuck's crave-o-meter. he claims that one time i got him drunk and made him eat this. you know, early on. i don't remember this at all, but it sounds in character enough that i'll let him hold onto the memory, regardless of its validity.

since i'm craving something that the polite public could consider gross, he tries to match it with a similar craving. no, not the sardines in the pantry.

"i guess i could eat kippered snacks," he says, describing yet another take on fish packed in a tin can.



we hem and haw a bit. it's late. these foods are salty. we're comfortable: i'm reading, chuck's internetting and sampling schell maifest. plus, these foods reek. "lets do it," he says finally.



at the last minute i decide to not wear my pajama pants because there is a rumor circulating in this apartment that they are indecent.

we go to cub foods.

***



finding our snack is easy. we didn't need the assistance of a pack of feral cats at all.

leaving the aisle is trickier. there are so many things to consider when you are about to commit an olfactory hate-crime against oneself. things like: do we want vienna sausages? ["like hotdogs stacked in a can with that gelatinous stuff that spam is packed in. they don't have any skin. you just put them in your mouth and they dissolve. you'd love them," chuck says.] and deviled ham ["i wanted my mom to buy that because i liked the devil on it. she wouldn't. she said i would think it was gross," chuck says.]




another can catches his eye, and he explains how this is one of those foods you have to get over before you can like it. it emits something ... blah blah blah texture ... and i'm totally sold when he says it can be eaten with eggs.



***

back home, i dig in immediately. deeeelish.



chuck takes his time. lets his anticipation build. acquaints himself with the dish.





in the end, we are both pleased with our tins of fishy yuck.

***

today we were back to normal:




8 comments:

starfire said...

!!!!

J-Money said...

Just don't ever microwave the vienna sausages. It makes them angry.

Very, very angry.

diatribes and dish said...

I'm a big fan of the smoked oyster, especially when accompanied by a glass of pinot noir. Mmmmm.

CDP said...

Smoked oysters, hmmm. I actually love love love sardines in a can (just ate them last week) but they have to be in mustard sauce, not in tomato sauce or oil, and they should be served either on Triscuits or on well-toasted rye bread (the latter is preferred).

L Sass said...

Non-NYC grocery stores are so huge! Sigh. Am jealous.

Anonymous said...

are you guys preggers? - fannie

Whiskeymarie said...

I think I can honestly say- without even a twinge of doubt- that I have never ever had a craving for either smoked oysters or kippered anything.

But, I was craving pop-tarts and nachos this week (not necessarily together, but not necessarily NOT together, either).

Mach1 said...

That deviled ham can looks dented. Maybe it's being served with a side of botulism?