Monday, April 7, 2008

a charles manson figure ...

i don't cook anymore. i only eat restaurant and gas station and sometimes gas station-restaurant food. oh. and i watch a lot of moving pictures on a screen.

article: origin of my favorite breakfast food -- the everything bagal. via new yorker.
essay: ben heller of the huffington post writes about how his wife's obsession with 'the hills' makes him love her a little less. via gawker.
short story: raj, behemian by hari kunzru. a young hipster realizes all the worlds an advertisement. there is an irony in linking to this within my weakly review. via new yorker.
youtube: thinking of picking up a battlestar galactica habit? here's an 8-minute summation of the past three seasons. funny and heavy on 'fraks.'

lakeview coffee emporium: chuck and i had matching english muffins with ham and cheese and slices of hard boiled egg. this may be one of my favorite places to spend an afternoon. i like the plants and mirrors and view of the lake and how it has so many chairs that it looks like an estate sale burped.

the breakfast sandwich was fantastic. but you could put egg and cheese on my shoes and i'd lap the crap out of it.

india palace: you should have seen chuck's face light up when i suggested india palace. it was as if i had filled his entire top drawer with new pairs of argyle socks.

i love indian food. but the only indian food i ever eat is mattar paneer, which translates to basically cheese and peas. this is my favorite of all foods on the continent. it has a spicy gravy with square chunks of cheese. i like the tv dinner version of this -- by amy's -- which includes a mound of chickpeas; and recently i enjoyed a canned version, although i don't remember the brand. but the india palace version is the best.

back when i had a desktop computer, i spilled this on the keyboard and it turned the whole thing orange.

on this visit i also had a mango-flavored lassi, mattar paneer -- which was different than usual because it had stewed tomatoes in it, and garlic naan. we received a complimentary bowl of mango ice cream.

chuck had malai kofta -- which is vegetables balls and kashews. he liked it lots.

zen house: my favorite local sushi restaurant is attached to an ICO gas station that is in that grey neutral zone that is either still duluth or the onset of hermantown. i think the concept is hilarious: gas. cigs. day-old burnt arco coffee, a maxim magazine and sushi.

i had a spicy tuna roll, an avacado roll and a lifetime supply of wasabi. "is this enough?" matt the sushi guy asked. i shook my head and he doubled my favorite condiment. [turns out it would have been enough.] i am a huge fan of the zen roll -- salmon, avacado and cream cheese -- but opted out because somedays i just can't handle sushi that requires two bites.

pizza luce: once again, i'm called to the tuna caliente and spicy veggie nuggets. i am the least original diner on this here couch.

"feast of love" (2007): best movie that could have slipped by unnoticed had i not loved the charles baxter novel, yet forgotten it completely as i'm prone to do. morgan freeman watches love happen in all its incarnations. i wept.

"world according to garp" (1982): this movie is a good opportunity to play john irving bingo: person dressed in bear suit? check. wrestling? yup. something strange involving the male organ? you bet. wild card -- john lithgow as a trannie.

tori and dean inn love: for some reason i expected this to be different than newlyweds, but ... IT'S THE SAME! AND I LOVE NEWLYWEDS! on this episode, tori and dean have an estate sale where a signed starbuck's cup goes for 25 dollars.

tyra banks show: this is her most lengthy interview yet and tyra, god bless her, is really assuaging that embarrassing moment where tori explains how $800,000 is not that much money. tyra is also asking the hard questions: do you know what's in your mom's will? hey! tyra made tori cry!

"mother may i sleep with danger" (1996): this is the tori spelling mother-load, her finest acting endeavor outside of the 90210 area code. the movie opens with ivan sergei, as billy, killing his on-again, off-again girlfriend, a flirty little blonde pixie, with a cutting board. tori plays laurel lewishohn, a former anorexic with poor running form, a domineering mother and critically bad taste in men. billy assumes the identity of a former classmate, creates a fictitious upper-crust background and woos laurel. he suggests she dye her hair to match his dead exgirlfriend, laurel's mom gets suspicious. bludgeonings ensue.

"e true hollywood story" (2006): i know tori spelling's life story so well, that when i'm 95 i'll probably think i had a very public rift with candy spelling and that toys were dropped from a helicopter on my birthday.

"the hills," episode two and BONUS EPISODE THREE!: first let's address spencer and heidi, who are totally pulling a ross and rachel, albeit without ross's clumsy paleontological geekiness.

heidi wants space, ie a break. i'm guessing she sees this a sort of celebate retreat for both parties involved. a time for her to reconnect with friends and talk about how, minus spencer equals plus closet space. i predict a wild girls night, some justin bobby sort will tell her she's beautiful, probably give her a bonus boob grab with his good night kiss. heidi will feel guilty about this borderline breach in "on a break" etiquette. meanwhile, spencer will immediately begin banging women who look like heidi, but more strung out. a model maybe. definitely someone with an accent.

as for whitney? she must have gotten a stellar reference from teen vogue, because her interview for her new job was filled with vague undirected enthusiasm and ample use of the word "awesome." i think she will probably start smoking, if not completely take on a new punk rock identity.

i'm not even going to mention lauren and brody, who are doing their own take on spencer and heidi, without the actual relationship status. bickerfests like the one in episode two can be seen daily at any bar patronized by people who have recently become legally authorized to drink in public. i'm glad brody isn't shy about being hammered.

i like the scene where stephanie pratt dressed like a flapper and told lauren everything spencer said even though spencer very guardedly said nothing, predicting stephanie would tell everyone everything.

"the bachelor, london calling" episode three: business first: you would be amazed how many hits one can get when she writes about lorenzo lamos' daughter. i like to think they are all from her. hi shayne!

i am starting to feel sorry for matt the bachelor. they've filled his harem with trashy beeznatches, ie chelsea, probably thinking he wouldn't notice because he's from a different country.

this thing with shayne is a bit of a cause for concern. apparently matt likes a side of crazy. not to cross reference, but this is exactly the kind of girl that spencer will hook up with. i'm confused about how matt can be interested in both shayne AND the sweet, genuine, cute author of childrens' books. i like holly. she reminds me of belle from "days of our lives" back when belle was sweet, innocent and virginal.

this was the first rose ceremony in the history of the bachelor where i don't feel like i had ever seen any of the women who were eliminated. so i didn't experience an ounce of loss.

i still like robin [i'm not understanding why everyone hates her], amanda and now holly.

battlestar galactica, season four, episode one: the sci/fi channel wants us to be wondering whether starbuck is a cylon or not; i'm wondering whether gaius baltar is a christ figure or a charles manson figure.


Sproactually said...

I don't understand John Irving, and I'm man enough to admit it.

I've never connected the dots in the world according to Garp, but then again, I'm pretty the sure they don't connect. I'm still confused by Hotel New Hampshire.

The guys radio station is set to WWOT. Way Way Out There...

nanners said...

i hate robin. she has terrible teeth, is ugly, annoying and looks like someone who would have bad breath. i like that she travels, but if your mouth looked like that you would need to to have something to talk about to distract from your ugly mouth. incidentally, the actress who portrayed belle on dool is now on GH and is every bit a bitch. but she's fun. holly needs longer hair for matt to choose her. you can tell he likes long hair. i have 3 favorites, but i don't recall their names. they include hiccup girl and strawberry blonde girl.
i can't even watch the heidi/spencer scenes. i am too distracted by heidi's inflated lips. i find that i miss absolutely none of the "plot" by fastforwarding.

Anonymous said...

ooh yeah, strawberry blonde girl i like too...she's too quiet/unaggressive for him though...even though she does have long hair. - Fannie

Whiskeymarie said...

I don't know why I never order the Paneer because it looks de-lish-us.
I loved "Garp", but I'm kind of odd so there you go.