Monday, March 3, 2008

jamaican me crazy ...

here we are at the post-triathlon party at the YMCA. cake, carrot sticks, and mesh victory shirts. you probably thought i was kidding when i predicted they would be decorated with a potato on a treadmill. ta-dah! my -- unbenoticed by me until now -- super tall friends the greeter (left) and f. scottie (right) also won. as for me? i'm standing like a scoliosis patient. and this photo does not accurately convey my hybrid. up until the flash, i was wearing a hat.

this past week the battery on my courtesy car died twice, and i was one of the last three people to see a certain deer alive.

chickpea tacos (via vegetarian times): mexi-med fusion food. mashed avacado, add a can of chickpeas, garlic, salt, pepper and lemon juice as a meat substitute in your taco, taco salad, burrito. i'm going to make a wop of it in a giant metal garbage can next time i have a "my super sweet 16 marathon."

tofu custard with fruit (via vegetarian times): two packages of firm tofu, one cup of powdered sugar, a shot of vanilla. food process. pour into graham cracker crust, top with fruits. chill for two hours. nothing would please me more than to make this for a pista family gathering, see looks of glee morph into sheer terror when someone spots an empty tofu container in the garbage can.

the whistling bird: now that chuck has a new car, we are no longer confined to the city limits. [no one wants to ride more than four consecutive miles in the passenger seat of my rig.] it's quite liberating. the restaurant's entire parking lot -- in gilbert, minn. -- smelled so good that i wished i could eat spoonfuls of air.

we got a great cozy alcove booth in the bar. like all bars should be in basements, all meals should be taken in alcoves.

i went with the house favorite because, when in gilbert, do as the jamaicans. i had island coconut chicken that was good, but chuck won with the jamaican jerk pork tenderloin. silver dollar sized chunks of pork wrapped in bacon with a jerk bbq sauce that was very salty and sweet and also amazing on my sweet potato fries. i bet if i put some on my finger, i'd accidentally ingest my own digit. for dessert: deep fried cheese cake. like the county fair exploded, without the acid washed jeans.

for the rest of the night, "jamaican me crazy" to the tune of OMC's "how bizarre" was stuck in my head.

"mary reilly" (1996): julia robert's invents an accent, taking subtle cues from irish peasants and louisiana hair salons. john malkovich proves, again, to be a great physical comedian in this different perspective on the jekyll and hyde story. a scene involving the skinning of a life eel made me queasy.

"a life less ordinary" (1997): cameron diaz is spontaneously kidnapped by a desperate, recently unemployed, newly single ewan mcgregor. they fall in love to the tune of tequila shots and "beyond the sea" karoake. i think life needs more bartop choreograpy. but not to the level of, like, moulin rouge. i hate pagentry.

"gods and monsters" (1998): a loose bio pic about the director of the frankenstein movies at the end of his life. he passively seduces a young heterosexual lawn boy -- brendan fraser, who seems in this movie to be an amalgamation of 99.8 percent of my exboyfriends -- by saying things like "no i'm not attracted to you! you're gross. now take your shirt off, please. so i can draw you. it's for the art." while not exactly a comedy, per se, this movie is pure hilarity.

"friends and lovers" (1999): chuck: "what's this about?"
me: "i don't know, let me check. ... um."
chuck: "let me guess, a bunch of friends get together for a weekend--"
me: " blah blah 20 somethings on a ski trip ... um, yeah."

at least four times this movie was so terrible that i recoiled in embarrassment. there goes that baldwin family's standard of excellence.

"waydowntown" (2000): senior year. homeroom. i sit in front of no. 17. on days when i am not late, he tells me the plot line of what happened on beavis and butthead the previous night. he can hardly get through it without erupting in laughter. most of the time, i've seen the episode and found it kind of funny. but something about no. 17's description makes it funnier than it was. i decide to rely on his take, and stop watching the show.

if i explained the plotline of "waydowntown" to you, it would be impossible to make it sound bad -- so sound is the premise: four office workers have a bet to see who can stay inside the longest. they live downtown, they work downtown. everything is connected by skyway. the movie starts at the one month mark and takes place over the course of a day. sounds awesome.

wrong. it's okay. the sort of movie that a 24 year old hipster would watch and then make deep, stoned arguments about: corporate america [although its canadian]; ants on an ant farm equals office workers in a skyway; blah blah blah. this movie really wants to be pretentious, but isn't done well enough.

"zoolander" 2001: you've probably seen this. i have 17 favorite parts that i'll spare you.

i read a lot of blogs. a lot. an empty google reader makes me edgy and desperate to the point of reading the rochester post bulletin online. this is my most recent favorite. j-money writes dr. phil episode overviews in haiku and can run 20 miles at 7:44 pace. and very funny.

the soul thief, charles baxter: whoa. this is like a mirror looking into a mirror looking into a mirror -- which is funny, because i forgot that there is a scene where this happens early in the book. i'm not sure what to think. the gist: nathanian mason becomes absorbed into a new group of friends, falls in love with two women and in the meantime is having his life story stripped away and claimed by the creepy jerome coolberg.

the end is a sort of punchline.

i'm not sure that plot will ever really matter in a charles baxter novel. i read "feast of love" years ago and all i remember is that i loved it. i couldn't name a single plot-point beyond a man going for a late night walk. i'm pretty sure that happens in the first chapter. but he writes great sentences. and mini stories within stories. and hypotheticals.

i gave it five stars on goodreads.

i finished the YMCA's couch potato triathlon and decided the whole experience was like an episode of wife swap. i left the safety and comfort of my home [the treadie] to try living in a new place [among the callous keistered bikers and chlorine marinated swimmers]. sometimes it was fun. sometimes it made me want to drown humanity. but now i get to go back to my happy place -- hello, treadie. lessons were learned: i can swim if i have to and biking isn't a terrible form of cross train.

quarterlife: a vlogger tells the internet intimate details about her roommates and friends. her friends find out about the site. meanwhile, she loves him, he loves his best friend's girlfriend, his best friend is probably cheating on his girlfriend with a car saleswoman ... cast includes the aforementioned vlogger, an alcoholic actress, three film geeks working in advertising, and a one-dimensional girlfriend who's only job seems to be creating sexual tension. pretty cliche: my so-called life meets thirtysomething meets teen soap operas while dressed in hoodies and chuck taylors. i could watch this. hopefully its monumentally disappointing premier numbers don't send it spiraling back to myspacetv.


Miss Kate said...

If I lived in Gilbert, the WB's jerk dishes would be the only reason for me to stay alive.

Flenker said...

congrats on finishing the triathlon! It'd probably take me 3 months to finish that (I'm a terrible swimmer).

I'm definitely going to make those chickpea tacos. They sound delicious

Maurey Pierce said...

Congrats on finishing the tri! I love the Whistling Bird - always worth the drive. The best part is hitting Big Al's (across the street) after for a $1.50 Miller Lite in a can.

kristabella said...

I watched quarterlife. I thought it was OK. I'd watch again. At least until my real programs come back on. And why did I just say programs like my grandma?