Sunday, January 6, 2008

oh, the consumption ...

i eat. i drink. i enjoy moving pictures on a screen, as evidenced last night when we, for upward of seven minutes, watched the word DVD bounce off the borders of chuck's television screen. so pretty. all the excitement of watching a televised pool tournament without jeannette lee making me feel prudish in my approach to black leather.

in an effort to chronicle what i've eaten, drank, watched, read, i bring you a week's worth of my consumption.

the l word: season four, episodes 1-9
season three ended with a jilted bride, a stolen baby and a trust fund locked. season four begins with the jennifer beals unlikely hook up with one of those chunky blonde intern-types who hangs out at grandma's, drinks pitchers of long island ice tea and hasn't learned that appropriate skirt length is a case-by-case leg choice. this season's theme is: straight girls get experimental and everyone drinks dos equis. i hope this series continues on forever. i'm convinced that jennifer beals in her mid-40s is even better than jennifer beals at 20, meaning that at age 60 she will blind you.

dexter: season one, episodes 1-8
there is no way to describe this show without having it sound like "american psycho." except that it is more like "magnum pi." dexter's sister is arguably the most-annoying character on any tv show ever. she is the least schooled, least instictive person to ever be promoted to detective. it's like charlie whisked her out from behind the counter at the ghetto spur and said: "stop scanning marlboros and solve this crime!" i thought this show answered the question: what happened to tootie? but i was wrong.

bad girls: season 1, episodes 1-5
scenes from a lax british women's prison, complete with fashion shows and karaoke night. a lot like "oz" except the women have one extra special pocket to hide their heroin.

this week chuck and i decided to do this: -- a new minnesota-based beer every week, and another way for minnesota bloggers to drink more and get more words online -- which suits me just fine.

week 1 was schell snowstorm, which i reluctantly had one of, making it possible for me to enthusiastically enjoy four more. i gave it a 2.5 because of the way it coated my tongue with yuck. chuck gave it a 1ish and said it tasted like menopausal angst.

our latest movie project is a sort of make-out-with-your-first-cousin project based on chuck's experiment that he began in 2007 to read a book from every year that he has been alive. we are watching movies from every year we have been alive -- with chuck picking 1972, 73 and 74 -- then alternating years from 1975 on. first we watched "deliverance" which was great if only for the fleshy wad of muscle dangling from burt reynold's leg during the apex.

enter the dragon (1973)
bruce lee spits blood and tells his enemy that he dishonored his family. i thought this would be the sort of grainy filmed, poorly dubbed kung fu movie i used to reenact with friends on the playground, or on certain nights in chuck's living room. it was excellent.

alice doesn't live here anymore (1974)
unfortunately, this movie coincided with the schell snowstorm experiment. about halfway into the movie i got distracted by my own brilliance with a rubik's cube and the sound of my own voice. if i'm not mistaken, it had a happy ending. i can, on demand, complete one whole side of a rubik's cube.

juno (2007)
for the first time in a life filled with very sexy moments, jason bateman creeped me out. i hope i can keep my fond memories of silver spoons entact.

chester creek cafe: i had a three-cheese macaroni that only skeeved me out when i reheated it the next day and found a butter swamp in the bottom of my take out carton. i just closed my eyes and plugged my fork into it and all was right with the world. this is easily one of my top three duluth-area restaurants.

vegetarian times: i spontaneously purchased this month's issue, then chuck very plottedly went on the hugest grocery shopping spree in the history of his refrigerator. [i've never woken up and immediately opened a refrigerator and began cooking. this was like christmas, finding basil and cans of roasted tomatos, and tempeh and all that garlic.

rice fried vegetables: chuck made this, and though it contained at least two ingredients i don't typically like, it was fan-fricken-tastey.

spinach lasagna: i made this for dinner last night in the slow cooker. it tasted hearty and wintery, but was ridiculously healthy. tempeh tricked me into thinking it was meat. oh, tempeh ...

new jeans from abercrombie: i have regular-length legs, so i buy regular-length jeans. these are always about two roll-ups too long. one would think i would buy short-legged jeans -- which i must be according to A&F standards. but i can't bring myself to admit that i could be defined as having short legs. i'm going to need more really tall shoes.


Whiskeymarie said...

That's a lot of stuff goin' on.

I've had 2+ weeks off, yet all I've managed to accomplish is moving a pile of papers from one side of the room to the other.
I had grandiose plans to watch a ton of movies, read a bunch of books & get caught up on the 4 months' worth of magazines I have piled up.
No such luck.

I am in awe of your leisure skills.

L Sass said...

I love the movies and books from every year of your life idea.

Especially because then I wouldn't feel obligated to watch or read any of the "classics."