Tuesday, December 11, 2007

my inner brunette ...

hey! look, everyone! i got my hair cut! and colored! it's darker than ever before and i even have BANGS! isn't it super cute?

in the early part of the century, i decided to go billy idol blonde. my reasoning escapes me. it certainly wasn't aesthetic. i started slowly, just a ribbon of blonde highlight here and there until one day i just went completely, stark, raving gwen stefani, madonna blonde-ambition-tour, anna nicole smith, bo duke blonde.

the woman i paid to make this transformation cringed when she unwrapped the towel, revealing the finished product. her manager surveyed the nightmare over my left shoulder. he was probably in a panic. he probably would pay me to say i'd gotten it done at jc penneys. i convinced him that i had actually asked for this: a hair-color favored in nursing homes. if i were a cartoon character, you would assume i had just been frightened.

it took a long time to get used to. my reflection looked vaguely like someone i'd gone to high school with who had disappeared off the planet -- to some state school -- and when she came back to civilization she had snake-sized scars on her wrists, a boyfriend who was a drummer, a taste for jack daniels, and had undergone an obscure medical procedure no one understood or dared to ask about.

more boys were interested in me during my time as a blonde. quantity, however, has nothing to do with quality. then again, as a blonde i was about 20 pounds heavier than i am today -- and about 12 pounds of that seemed to land in my bra. again, quantity has nothing to do with quality.

eventually i segued back toward a brunetter way of life with a sort of in-between shade. some people considered me a blonde, some people didn't. i didn't, but enjoyed when other people did.

last halloween i colored my hair plum. plum being the color prefered by 9-out-of-10 vampires. plum also being a temporary dye that was scheduled to wash out after 7 shampooings. [it didn't. i stopped counting after 19 shampooings]. but something weird happened, walking around with plum hair. i actually liked it. it felt like the right color. it was sometimes a little punk rock; sometimes wholesome. as it faded, it continued to morph into interesting colors and i enjoyed each phase as much as i enjoy the kool ade flavors it represented.

that plum color taught me that my inner brunette is way louder than my inner billy idol. i'll never go blonde again.

before leaving the fitger's complex today, i stopped into the women's bathroom to emit the dixie cup of water they had used to win customer loyalty. i was trapped in a stall when two women entered.

"i have to be in bed for ten hours to get eight hours of sleep," one said.
"oh, yeah?" the other responded. "are you still reading into all hours of the night?"
"no," the first one replied. "it's the hot flashes ..."

i made this face.

flushed quickly and scampered out of the bathroom, not even daring to wash my hands. i'm not sure that isn't contageous.


chuck said...

I greatly prefer you with darker hair. After it was plum, and it turned natural again, (to what I would call red) ... that was hot.

Miss Kate said...

Take the hat off and show us what's you've got!

fannie said...

ditto. however, that photo is not satisfactory evidence of your hair cut. try again without the hat that rose from the dead.

Whiskeymarie said...

Welcome to the dark side- here, let me fix you a drink.
I like you as a brunette- even if I am a bit biased...

Maurey Pierce said...

Brunettes are hotter. No question.

I finally decided to embrace my natural (chocolate) color about a year ago. No more highlights, which washed me out anyway. And the $80 is back in my pocket.

ps said...

love it!

Laurie said...

I just went dark too. It's a whole new world.

Kristabella said...

I went dark in August, which is actually my natural color and I LOVE it!

Brunette is where it is at, yo.