Thursday, September 6, 2007

my only regret is missing the nitty gritty dirt band ...


look who's here! it's futbol!

in the past month i've had three sets of guests camping at chez overweight and needy feline. the latest victim sentenced to two nights of sleeping with a finger on the 409 spray-bottle trigger is futbol, in from miami, and about to be woken in 15 minute increments by a cat who has nearly learned how to say in human: touch me while he rams his head into yours.

as a special treat for futbol, minnesota power removed me from their "first warning" club and upped me to a priority "disconnected for negligence immediately" level. poor guy. this proved very confusing, as one outlet in my apartment still worked. i can only assume that it is somehow wired to my downstairs' neighbors apartment. i have a hard time understanding how they remember to pay their electric bill when, once, biggie fell asleep in the back of a strangers' pickup truck because he forgot his way home from the pioneer.

whatever. i spent 12 minute flicking at the fuse box, showered in the dark, made as nice as i could with my hair sans hair appliances, went downtown and had power restored.

but not before toonses puked on futbol's suitcase, which i tried to sop up with carpet cleaner and generic paper towels before the feisty lil argentine noticed the beige weight control chunks.

within three hours of waking it felt as though i'd lived three days worth of grievances.

***

jcrew: what time does [duluth restaurant i've chosen to not eat at for phobia reasons] close at?

me: 10:30 ... you aren't going to eat there, are you?

jcrew: well. india palace is closed. ...

me: but you heard the worm story, right? i mean i told you about the worm!

jcrew: [tells worm story to futbol] yeah ...

me: i've never heard anything good about that place. in fact, i've only heard bad. really bad.

jcrew: like ...

me: well. fannie ate there and said it was too expensive for what she ate.

jcrew: and ...

me: well. i heard they don't recycle or have bleach on site.

jcrew: what else?

me: well. a bunch of people went there and it took two hours and they were all served at different times.

jcrew: but, i mean, is it good?

me: THE WORM STORY!

jcrew: but what else?

me: THE WORM STORY SHOULD BE ENOUGH!



***

today is my landlord's birthday. his girlfriend scrubs organized a surprise party for him at [in unison] the pioneer. i'm sure it was a very special night for the little devil. they decorated. i couldn't get enough of the taco chip dip and the mounds of cheddar and colby perspiring more than a dirty old man wearing a blue tooth. and i even saw strangers wearing pointy hats in my landlord's honor. meanwhile, the pioneer rang with a steady stream of my landlord's favorite songs.







i leave you with quote of the day: i smell so bad that it's almost satisfying.

3 comments:

fannie said...

$10.95 for half an order of eggs benedict where all i could taste was ham...I've had far better for half the price. Are you trying to keep Hells Kitchen anonymous? I can't stop thinking about the fact that someone had an earthworm in their salad.

Toonses is eating too much...that's why he's puking everywhere. Have mercy on the poor kitten!!!!!!!

Have you tried the eye makeup remover pads I left yet? Aren't they nice?

some guy said...

You should mark this post NSFW.

nanners said...

what does nsfw mean?
and christa, i hate you for posting that cleavage photo. i'm stealing your urinary tract infection pills for that.