Thursday, September 27, 2007

more tv than you should be allowed to cram into your skull ...

someone tried to break into my landlord's drop top. they cut three-fourths of a rectangle into the stretched fabric while it was tucked safely away from his drunken fingertips in the lot at the radisson. the perp then reached inside and unlocked the door, setting off his car alarm. they missed out on stealing, i'm guessing:

tanning goggles
a happenings coupon book
a purple plastic dinosaur he has jammed up against the windshield

"it kinda looks like i have a sunroof," he told me.
"wait. landlord has a convertible?" junior asked me.
"yes," i confirmed. "does it make it better that it is pinkish purple?"
"yes," junior said.
"does it make it even better that the convertible he had before this one started on fire outside of a bar in superior?"
"yes," junior said.

***

i took the route past quinlan's home last night. the street out front echoed with a four-person argument.

"can you hear that?" i asked chuck, who i was talking to on the phone.
"yeah," he said. "what is it?"
"fight outside of quinlan's," i said, driving past slowly. "i think it shows maturity that i didn't take a photo of it."
"photos are fine," he said. "just don't take video."
"anyway, wanna go out? i asked.
"okay," he said.
"quinlan's?" i suggested.
"to the place where people are screaming out in the middle of the street?" he reminded me.
"yep," i said.

***

my landlord's exgirlfriend the russian was at the bar with her husband. she has chosen to not acknowledge the sum of my matter. i wish more people would respond to me like this. meanwhile, i occasionally look at her to see if she is still ignoring me. yes. yes she is.

nothing really happens at quinlan's, until 10 minutes before what should legally be considered last call. a foursome enters the bar and in some way manages to piss off the bartender, who flips on the overhead lights, throws up his hands and retroactively stops serving.

we walk to the pioneer, safe in the knowledge that at 2:05 a.m. on first street, my landlord will have at least a pitcher of busch lite left. and he will be deep enough into his personal celebration to be generous with his fruits.

my landlord talks about his car.
his girlfriend scrubs shows me photos of her nephew, a small deck of sears portraits of the tot in a handful of outfits:

shirtless with suspenders
wrapped in a boa shapped like fairy wings
in a funny little hat

"why is he dressed in drag?" i ask scrubs.
"i know! isn't he cute?" she purrs.

cute, sure. but i can't help but wonder if he is being raised by the village people.

***

we begin walking home and when we're cutting down to the casino to find a cab, headlights appear in an alley as one comes barrelling upon us.

"remember that time we had that cab driver who took all those back roads and alleys?" chuck asked.
and when the car stops, it is that same guy. 90 degree turns on two wheels at 80 miles an hour. through alleys. god bless him.

***

today i:

drank coffee
ate chicken nuggets from the dollar menu
watched gossip girl [i'm starting to like this show for all of the reasons i hated it last week]
watched newport harbor [how come no one mentioned until episode nine that clay, the mario lopez lookalike, is a junior and not a senior?]
watched real world sydney [i could watch kellyanne's facial expressions all day long]
read the internet [there are not enough blogs in the world to satiate my blog appetite]
watched the office [no comment necessary]
co-created cheddar chive bread and potato leek soup ["it smells like we cooked every onion in the world," chuck summed it up. deeeeeelish.]
watched reaper, chuck, two and a half men [funny. funnier. funniest]
played scrabble [61 points for the word "telling"]
wondered if there is a movie worse than pelican brief, while becoming increasingly enthralled with the pelican brief.
made a list of actors who make you not want to see their movies:
vin diesel
the rock
tom hanks, post "big"

i'm spent.

8 comments:

Beret said...

KellyAnne...ugh. At least Isaac isn't falling for her "feminie wiles". Eeek, she's homely.

So you won't be seeing "The Game Plan" this weekend? I'd like to add Ben Stiller to your list. I see he's got a new movie out now. Isn't he too old (greying) to be playing the lead in a romantic "comedy"?

So you guys like Two and a Half Men? What's your opinion of How I Met Your Mother? That's our favorite these days.

CDP said...

"Stepmom" is a worse Julia Roberts movie than "Pelican Brief", and I watch it every time it comes on.

Miss Kate said...

I'm going to need that bread recipe. Because the name alone is mouthwatering.

Add Diane Keaton to your list of actors... She is not capable of playing any other role than "neurotic and/or neurotic mother".

Clare said...

I found myself mysteriously drawn to Gossip Girl again this week, too. Fortunately, it's on at the same time as Private Practice, another alliterative new show that should be better than it actually is, so I can spend the hour flipping back and forth and never really having to contemplate how mediocre they both are. Genius!

christina said...

i think i like kellyanne only because she is this little sexy time bomb who gets this really surprised look on her face when people a) like her; b) don't like her; c) she's wasted; d) other people are wasted and she's trying to make things better while wasted; e) turn on other housemates; f) she's talking smack about other housemates.

sadly, i've only seen like half an episode of "how i met your mother." i think i would really like it.

cdp: stepmom is a real weeper. i can understand its horrid lure.

kate, i'll e-mail you.

clare, is it possible that sabrina is actually older than me in real life yet playing a high school student? 90210 revisted.

christina said...

oh. i also watched bionic woman. which. was. awesome.

Whiskeymarie said...

I feel left out because I work at night. I never see anything until it's on dvd. I am lame and jealous of all of you.
And yes, that bread counds great. Anything with chives makes me happy happy.

Thomas said...

Hey from Seattle.