Wednesday, September 19, 2007

appetite for intestinal destruction ...

i conjured evil. i thought i was just making chili.

but somewhere between sunday night and monday night, somewhere beyond the place where my taste buds veer south into my digestive system, something went amiss. i woke up screaming from a night terror around 6:30 a.m., sweaty and my skin as opaque as wax paper. i crawled around the apartment looking for a cool place to put my head. i propped it on the bathtub.

then i crawled back into the bedroom and shrieked SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY BODY! chuck was awake, fully clothed and standing over me before i could manage another wan gurgle. my body, i realized, doesn't contain enough orifaces to get this evil out of my body fast enough.

the exorcism took about 45 minutes, and left me drained. i could stomach nothing more than tums and naked juice for breakfast; tums for lunch; tums and french fries for dinner. chuck thinks i poisoned myself with a dirty ladel. i think i brewed up evil in a discounted chili pot from tj maxx.

so, you can have my chili recipe. but you're going to need a priest.

1 comment:

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

i made chili the other day too. thankfully, mine was not as evil. although i swear i could be suffering from residual effects this evening...