the difference between going to bed at 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. starts like this:
me: for some reason i can't stop thinking about el debarge. what did he sing?
chuck: who's johnny?
me: right! right! and rhythm of the night!"
chuck: [miming a sharpie drawing across his upper lip] he had one of those mustaches and a very thin tie ...
me: and a permed mullet
which, somehow, within 15 minutes has segued into:
me: blah blah blah 'you can't do that on television.'
chuck: blah blah blah 'pinwheel'
me: blah blah blah blah 'double dare'
chuck: SWEET PICKLES IS GREAT!
me: degrassi junior high.
this goes on. and on. and on.
lately i've been trying to eat a lot of vegetables. i like vegetables because they are the healthiest equivilent to dumping doritos into my gaping mouth or just ordering a salt lick and spooning it as i sleep. so today i chopped some cucumbers, radishes, and jalapinos ... put them in a bowl and added a dash or two of peanut sauce. shake and anticipate the flavor explosion called dinner-time.
in the interim, i hopped into the shower. i cupped my hands with water and rubbed my eyes and ...
this half-hour of helen keller mimicry is brought to you by jalapino juice i forgot to wash off my hands.
for the rest of the shower i had to blindly reach for products and conduct my business with my eyes squinched shut. not only could i not get them open, it hurt to think about opening them.
this is the stupidest thing i've done in days.
tonite i was driving and a woman wearing boxer shorts and a t'shirt was stumbling down fourth street and she was acting like she might fall off the sidewalk, weaving and bobbing on her little doe legs. i wouldn't have paid attention, but i was at a stoplight. then i realized that it was strange that i wouldn't have ordinarily even noticed it. then i realized that every. single. day of my life. i see at least one drunk person stumbling somewhere.
maybe i just see drunk people.