Thursday, May 3, 2007

wherein i wake up and realize i've done something silly ...

somehow i managed to "score" and entry in grandma's half-marathon. it must have been one of my more comatose moments when i entered. waking up with better cheddar debris on the front of my wife beater. waking up looking for cheese balls in my kitchen. waking up with a handful of black olives and juice dripping down my chin.

driving my car and suddenly remembering i'm holding the wheel and i'm not merely a sightseeing passenger.

i spend a lot of time not really paying attention to what i'm doing and then thinking: hm. now i, a smoker who hasn't run in three weeks and only did once that week and had only run two weeks prior to that ... once ... am going to run 13ish miles in a few scant weeks. this sounds like fallen arches, wheezing, pulled butt muscles waiting to happen. but really, there are few things i won't do for a t'shirt.

i could have done the 5k, but the 5k is for weak willed, adventureless people lacking imagination and delusions of grandeur. i could have done the marathon, but how many times do i have to run 26.2 miles without training to prove to you people that my mind is far more advanced, sturdy, stubborn and competitive than my matter?

i've written extensively about running twin cities marathon. briefly: whim. no training. ran. ran ran ran. made friend with another limper. thoroughly dehydrated myself to the point where bathroom breaks provided merely a trickle of relief. amputees busted past me. began walking. senior citizens heckled me. began running. decided to finish, threw my sweatshirt and cell phone to ma and pa pista on the sidelines. somewhere on summit avenue i began weeping. six miles to go. paddy wagon hot on my heals. horror movie.

sixth to last place. only the XXL t'shirts remaining. no fruit.
cried at the base of the steps to my apartment.
couldn't walk for two days.
ate everything in my apartment that didn't have a heartbeat.
slept in xxl t'shirt.


Maurey Pierce said...

I'm sure you can do it, but if not, there are only about a million people looking for entires. You could probably sell for a serious profit.

whiskeymarie said...

Not being a runner in any way, I would have been reduced to hysterical crying and begging lookers-on for a cocktail about, oh...3 miles into it, I predict.

Yes, you are nuts for doing this.
But, I admire the bravado. If I am in town I will heckle you from the sidelines- sort of a "tough love" way of urging you on. Or, I'll give you a piggy-back ride if you need it.

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I could never accomplish this. My feet bleed after walking ten miles, let alone running them. I do enjoy the foot blood, at least. Am I okay?

Beret said...

I'm doing my first 5K this summer, cause I'm a wimp like that.

I like the idea of selling your entry, but I bet you can run it. When is it anyway?

christina said...

mp -- not for sale. must win t'shirt.

wm -- i look forward to the heckling. and the piggy back. i'll be the one selling my soul in a "blah blah blahler" t'shirt.

brfa -- foot blood. yum.

b -- yay on the 5k! g'ma's is june 16. when is your's?