Monday, May 7, 2007

OTR ...

i have a tendency to avoid my mail box in a very deliberate and juvenile way. if it wasn't ridiculous, i'd actually cover my eyes when i walk past or fake a conversation or laugh uproarishly and do other things that happen in a cafeteria when you are in seventh grade and want to blatantly show ambivilence toward something.

not even a weekly copy of the new yorker can coax me into that metal structure affixed to my house. overdrafts for my former roommate, credit card offers, coupons for hamburger helper ... all of the bills that are not a part of my intricate triage system are either a) taken directly from my account; b) payable online; c) garnished. the ones that come in the mail do not interest me. and although i recently received a christmas card from briguy, i don't usually get handwritten letters, boxes of oatmeal raisin cookies or special trinkets from amazon.com. so, aside from the new yorker, there is no reason to dig the key out of wherever the hell i lost it and take time to open my mailbox. at least not more than once a month.

i should note that i also accidentally subscribe to rolling stone. i'm not sure how it happened or who pays for it or how my address ended up on the label. but i get rolling stone, which i deem inferior to paste -- and its monthly 20-song cd sampler -- and so receiving rolling stone is actually a deterent against collecting my mail. it just disappoints me.

when i was first getting into blockbuster.com, i checked it regularly. but then i lost three discs of season three of felicity somewhere in my car and so my queue lies neglected.

i was awake at an ungodly hour today and happened to run into my mail carrier as he was trying to stuff more mail into my abandoned box.

"is that mine?" i asked him.
he nodded.
"yikes," i said.
his arms were teeming with mail. pounds and pounds of paper.

i know that people judge you based on circumstances. but he came up with the most clever deduction today, based on my mailbox. he handed me the mound and asked:

"are you a truck driver?"

3 comments:

Beret said...

I'm not sure how I ended up with a subscription to Paste. Do they send that out to everyone? I'm so far out of that music scene it's scary. I was flipping through last month's issue and was surprised to see my old friend Matt had joined Low. Who knew???

Domestically Disabled Girl said...

omg, this cracks me up! i have the same fear of/indifference to my mail. i will let it build up in there for days. i haven't yet been asked if i am a trucker though, that rocks!

*ironically, my email inbox rarely has a message go 5 minutes unopened...

whiskeymarie said...

I'm the opposite. I LOVE getting the mail, but then there's never anything good for me. I'm always hoping for magazines, and actual letter, a good catalog...and it's just credit card offers and Catholic stuff for the lady who owned the house before us.

Thank you Jesus, for the invite to your spaghetti dinner, but I think it's Helen you want, not us.