guess who's prom date replied: it just looked like any other boy's boob after a nipple-revealing incident on the dance floor?
bp blindsided me on a busride home from a cross country meet, before my freshman year had even begun. he slid into my seat, i removed my headphones, he asked me to the homecoming dance. i panicked. looked at the emergency exit and thought: "now that's just cruel. i'm trapped!"
this proposition was bittersweet. admittedly, it was good because it set a precedent that in high school, i would be a girl who was asked to dances. unfortunately i'd known bp since second grade and he was not the male lead in any of the moony diary posts where i plotted my romantic future. bp was a character. emitted an entire brass band worth of sounds from his body with no shame. a real handraiser. sometimes a bit of a narc. character (read: not necessarily hot), in high school boys, is the equivilent of being a high school girl with a good personality (read: flat).
i did what jessica wakefield would do: told him i would get back to him, and put my headphones back on.
but if i wanted to go to homecoming, i'd have to go with him. pista family rules. go with the first person who asks, or sit home and watch my social stock plummet and begin considering the way my lips will rust from lack of use. so i went with bp.
betsy the backstabbing bitch knew i was going to ask ab to turnabout. i'd only been, like, plotting it for weeks. i was waiting for him after school. i was his ride home every single day for three years. the rumor beat him to the lobby. betsy had gotten to him first.
truthfully, he wasn't going to like either of us. but i felt that i had a better shot at him. i knew that his family had the same go-with-the-first-person-who-asks rule. i writhed on the floor in agony. then i asked his twin brother instead.
in four years of high school i went to four homecomings, four turnabouts, four sadie hawkins days and two proms. these are the only two times i remember being asked or asking anyone. and i only remember them because they were the equivilent of my own personal slasher flick.
while in vegas, my mom and i spent some time with two 18-year-old girls who mistook sin city for singe city. neither wanted to return to minnesota with her original top layer of skin. by a few days in, they were already flaking and well-done. something i would return if i'd ordered it in a restaurant.
one of the girls had found a 400 dollar prom dress and had gotten approval from her mother to make the purchase. she'd scoured minnesota and had been unable to find anything she liked in our snowy little backwoods state. i find this hard to believe, considering we minnesotans have this fancy little area called the mall of friggin' america. while hellish, it is also pretty thorough.
"so," i asked the girls at dinner one night. "when a boy asks you to prom, does he do something elaborate? or does he just, like, trap you on the cross country bus for instance."
i've seen laguna beach. i know that stephen tricked kristin by leaving her anonymous stalker notes; deter rented a limo when he asked jessica. i'd assumed this was part of the pomp and circumstance of living in the OC. but when i considered that someone would pay 400 dollars for a dress, it occured to me that the lourdes high school of 1994 was a vast social chasm from the lourdes high school of 2007.
"for sure," the 400 dollar prom dress said. "as soon as people find out that you are going, they want to know how you were asked. and if you don't have a good 'how i got asked to prom' story ..."
she shook her head.
this girl's date, whom she described as the epitome of tall, dark and handsome, gave her a bouquet of balloons. she popped them until one rained confetti on her bedroom floor and he jumped out of the closet and asked her. the other girl's date (or actually, his mom) baked her a pumpkin pie. her favorite. the word "prom?" was written in frosting.
"who has the best story?" i asked.
the same girl has won for two straight years. one year her boyfriend parked a large rooster-shaped billboard in front of her house; this year he took out a classified ad.
today is just another day when i'm glad i'm 31.
now here is a vision of unrequited love to a pearl jam soundtrack
my lord i was one sassy senior. like veronica mars.
lawdy, lawdy, i snagged myself a college boy
headless wonder: turnabout, 1994