Tuesday, April 10, 2007

broke down mountain ...

i am currently surrounded by things that do not work or work ineffectively. this means much chain smoking and swearing. i've been taking it out on toonses by threatening to squirt him with 409 everytime he creeps within a 4-foot radius. (between you and me, i'd never squirt it at him. but he's just gullible enough to scamper away, sliding along my kitchen floor like he's playing bumper cars with the stove).

1. my shower leaks. all of the clothes on my bathroom floor are sopping up 10 pounds of water and leg hair. getting out of the shower is like stepping into a kiddie pool. my landlord has been using my frequent vacancies to caulk the shit out of it. he is the worst caulker ever.

2. my laptop sounds like it is revving up for moon exploration. everything takes five minutes to load. i can't download the photos of myself in prom dresses that i emailed myself. sometimes my internet browsers unexpectedly shut down.

a). my itunes won't start at all. this makes musical discovery tricky. when i again start mooning over john mayer, you'll know why.

3. my dvd player choked on a chick flick starring cameron diaz, jude law, the titanic chick and jack black. now it won't play one starring scarlet johannson, whom i prefer to the aforementioned. i'd watch it on my laptop, but ...

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